Sonship Identity Relationship Skills: Keys for Development

Sonship Identity Relationship Skills Get Developed as You Understand Key Concepts

I came across an interesting quote concerning what happens to those who grow up in and live with abuse.
“Both the tyrant and the victim in the system have a very limited sense of themselves as persons, inadequate development of relationship skills, and no understanding of the nuances of intimacy.”

This sums up nicely what emotional and spiritual maturity looks like.

Limited Sense of Self
Do I have a sense of being secure, that basically I’m safe, that my rights will be respected, my boundaries of thought, feeling, choice, and physical space will be honored? Or, do I constantly fear rejection and have an “us versus them” mentality and walk in a constant low level suspicion?

In feeling safe, do I have a sense of my strengths and weaknesses? Am I free enough to be in a learning relationship with God and life? Or, is everything either right or wrong, good or bad, in or out and so everything has a box I quickly apply? The Pharisees lived like this, so insecure they sought to take all of the “unpredictable” out of life with their laws for everything. This makes it impossible to ever learn or grow.

Inadequate Relationship Skills
With no sense of my own self, no sense of ways I’m growing and needing to grow and making proactive choices toward growth, it becomes hard to relate well with others. If I see everything as either “in or out,” then I’m going to treat you that way also. If it feels like there is something inadequate or shameful in me if I don’t know something or haven’t learned something, I will apply that same perfectionism to you. I will have little ability to live and let live, to flow with the currents of life.

Nuances of Intimacy
All the latest studies, especially in the area of brain development, point toward intimacy in relationships as being the foundation to emotional and spiritual health. When I can live connected to God and man there is a sense of grounding. I can risk loving and living and trying new things. I can flow with the give and take of relationship without being overly insecure. My sense of being loved and valued grows as well as my ability to be life-giving and self-sacrificing to my community around me.

Father God shows Himself as loving and safe and highly valuing of freedom. Jesus said the father gave the inheritance to the prodigal son knowing he was making wrong choices. He didn’t force his will upon his son. Father sent Jesus for us while we were yet in sin, yet making wrong choices. God didn’t fear rejection and didn’t seek to control our freedom. He so loved that He gave. If we are insistent on going to hell, God will let us. However, love awaits us if we simply choose to receive Him. He will never leave us; we are safe in His love. He gives us dignity, a place in His family. God gives us the love and security we need to grow into healthy intimacy.