Fathering Leadership

How to Build Sonship Life Skills into Your Life

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How to Build Sonship Life Skills into Your Life

Prayer Ministry is wonderful for removing blockages but it is only half the battle. I tell people, it’s a two-sided coin. We remove the blockage but then the new skill must be walked out.

Learning new skills is often very difficult for people. When I moved to the mission field I realized that learning Spanish was a bigger skill than I imagined. I initially thought learning the corresponding Spanish word was all I needed to do. I soon discovered there was so much more. I had to learn how concepts were communicated in Spanish versus English. I had to learn to hear the new words in conversation. I had to be willing to step out and try speaking it and likely look a little foolish. I knew missionaries that never learned to speak Spanish well because they just couldn’t take the risk of stepping out and saying something wrong and looking foolish.

Consider some of the skills we may need for life:

  • setting a boundary with peers or persistent children

  • dialogue – talking through an issue, not resorting to anger or withdrawal

  • public speaking

  • leading worship

  • facing a large work/school project

Often fear is a hindrance. This is usually easy to deal with in prayer ministry. There’s always a root to fear, usually in the area of an abandonment lie. However, once that is resolved, the skill still has to be attempted. This doesn’t guarantee success. Most people don’t learn to ride a bike on the first try.

If someone doesn’t feel good about trying more than once there may be a perfectionism issue. If you think, “What if I fail?” check your heart for perfection. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can try, learn, get more prayer ministry if need be, and try some more. Anyone who is persistent can overcome.

“By this all men will know you are My disciples, by the love that you have for people.” (John.13:25) So often spiritual things are put into amorphous terms, such as, “You’ve either had some experience in love or you haven’t”. “You either preached with anointing or you didn’t.” I don’t want to discount that. We do need experiences in God and His anointing. However, learning skills play a huge role also.

Skills like, “Have I dealt with my rejection issues so I can walk in love toward the immature behavior of others?” “Do I know the basics of good public speaking so God’s anointing has something to work with?”

We wouldn’t say to a keyboard player to “just be anointed.” Cyndi would tell you that practicing hours and hours a day in college led to not having to think now as she plays during worship because of the incredible muscle memory she has, therefore allowing the Holy Spirit to flow through her playing as He desires.

The world desperately needs mature Christians who have not only overcome their issues, but who have also developed good skills to bring God’s answers to a hurting world.

Fathers Love Transparency Secret for Freedom and Rest

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Fathers Love Transparency Secret Brings easy freedom over darkness

We live in a world that values strength and belittles weakness. These are opposite values from the Father’s Love.

We idolize characters such as Rambo, John Wayne, and Jason Bourne. It is easy to feel that there is no way to advance in life if people see our weaknesses, our personal struggles. So we tend to be drawn toward hiding these things about ourselves. We want to put them in the dark where no one can see them. Yet, if we can’t even acknowledge we have struggles, how can we ever hope to overcome them?

So how do you live in Fathers love transparency?

Understanding what is darkness and what is light is step one and puts a huge tool in your hands for growth.

Blatant sin, of course, is darkness; however, there can be smaller, less noticeable ways where we might be living in the dark. 1 John 1:6 says,”… if we say we have fellowship with God, but we continue living in darkness, we lie and do not follow the truth.” So what exactly does this “living in darkness” mean? Simply put, anything that is hidden and not exposed. To paraphrase Andrew Murray’s definition of humility, darkness is not being willing to be known for who we really are.

If we are humble – being known for who we really are – then we find no reason to hide our past, our present struggles, or our future dreams. But being open and transparent like this involves risk. If we were to divulge certain things about ourselves, people may reject us or make fun of us, or even worse, they may not love and accept us. And it’s possible they may abandon us.

It’s much easier to stay in the dark than to take the chance of living in openness and transparency, but The Fathers Love Transparencyunfortunately, there are “friends” that tend to hang around us there. Fear, worry, anxiety, shame, guilt – all of these can be our ‘best friends’ when we’re in darkness. And there’s no peace or rest there. Only by embracing light do we position ourselves to experience growth and live ever deeper in Father Gods rest.

We can be free from our past and live emotionally present in all our relationships today! By facing the hidden darkness in our lives, we can find freedom to be who we really are, unashamedly. You begin living in the Fathers Love transparency.

Light is the place where we have the actual experience of feeling secure in our Father’s arms and live open-hearted to the world.

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Can Messages of the Judgment of America Mature Us?

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Can Messages of the Judgment of America Mature Us? Judgment is a real thing but many struggle to understand it in the right context.

Judgment can never be understood without seeing through the filter of the Fathers Love.

Warning
There are many books saying, “All the signs are there, America is under judgment.” I struggle with this judgment idea but I certainly believe sowing and reaping is a real thing. However, here’s an important question. Does God cause it or allow it? Some might argue that it doesn’t matter. Yet, it comes down to motive. A wounded father punishes his children in anger. A loving father knows it is not alwCan Messages of the Judgment of America Mature Usays wise to fight his children’s battles for them. For children to come into all they were created for, they have to face consequences and mature. Understanding God’s heart as it relates to us in discipline is integral to how well we mature in Him.

So many of these books say or imply God is angry with America. However, to say God’s angry is to imply our sin somehow caught Him by surprise; presuming He didn’t know, before ever creating the heavens and the earth, that we would be exactly at this spot in this place and time. If God has “had enough,” it suggests He is triggered, punishing us in anger rather than disciplining us in love. It implies His feelings are hurt, that He’s somehow insecure with the fact that He is all powerful.

The message, “You better tighten up!” which most all the books and prophets intone states that somehow enough sober fear will finally mature us.

Roots to this View of God
Many people battle a fear they aren’t doing “enough” and so judgment will come. Many of us grew up that way. I could inadvertently say the wrong thing and get backhanded by my dad. That imparts shame, a sense of abandonment, no one there to protect me. Or a simpler example: I get a bad grade on a test and mom gives me “the look.” This results in me making conclusions in my heart such as, “I’d better watch out or the hammer will fall.”

Consider the sins of China or Brazil. A case could easily be made that their sins far exceed the US and yet both those countries are prospering. We run to judgment for fear of “dad’s backhand,” yet God’s nature is not such nor His work on the earth so easily summarized.

It is Only Love That Matures
Some say we need a wake-up call. That is certainly better than the view God is pouring out His vengeance. However, it still implies a mild anger.Can Messages of the Judgment of America Mature Us

Picture a child coloring on the wall. Mom walks up with a swift swat to the butt – a wake-up call. Now contrast that to mom sitting down with the child lovingly explaining, “I’ve spoken with you about drawing on the wall and said you would get a spanking the next time you did that,” then proceeds to give the spanking. The discipline is done in love and not anger, because mom’s not triggered. She isn’t battling rejection because her two-year old just won’t obey her! The discipline is totally done with the child’s best interest in mind.

Of course there are consequences to our actions, however, God’s heart is always love. It’s always that He “would have all men to be saved,” (1 Tim.2:4). Seeing God’s heart is vital. It is always to the end that we see His love. It is love that matures us, not fear. Mature love casts out fear (1 Jn.4:18).

Prayer Ministry – Joy Development

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Prayer Ministry – Joy Development Is An Important Foundation to Living As an Overcomer

Introduction
Prayer Ministry Joy Development gives us a foundation for life to live restfully from love rather than striving from a base of shame wherein Prayer Ministry Joy Developmentmistakes and corrections are not tolerable. Our family life, our work projects and relationships, school and studying, learning new skills, can all be done joyfully rather than dreadfully with the right foundation.

Shame
Consider George. He went to a conference and learned about the power of combining fasting with waiting in God’s presence. The promises given were many, everything from intimacy with God to greater rest in the midst of circumstances to greater discipline to accomplish. George set out with great “intensity” to fast and wait on God, dreaming of finally feeling successful. When his wife didn’t share his enthusiasm, he was disappointed and became short with her. His fervor faltered and a fear of failure extinguished his determination to be spiritually significant. George ended up feeling defeated and condemned.

When we set out with a vision for something with “intensity,” that usually means we are trying to be good enough to be loved and acceptable.

Love
Consider a loving father’s joy on the day his child is born. The child has yet to accomplish a single thing and yet there’s a joyful rejoicing and elation just because the child is there. Experientially knowing that God has deep joy over you just because you exist is an important aspect of experiencing His love for you and coming into rest and living from a place of joy.

1 John 4:18 indicates to us that fear is the absence of love. Joy expresses the opposite of this in a deep way. If God feels joy over me then my making a mistake and getting berated is not a part of the equation.

Zephaniah 3:17 – The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. God exults over you, He is at rest in His love toward you, your mistakes don’t rattle Him. He is so excited about you He shouts for joy!

Conclusion
Living from a base of love takes away our striving and fear of failure. It empowers us to face the vulnerability of learning – even with all the setbacks that are an inevitable part of the process – with joy rather than frustration.

How to Use Boundaries Instead of Control Tactics

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How to Use Boundaries Instead of Control Tactics. This is a primary way of expressing the Father’s Love to others.

Boundaries with my son

My wife and I used to argue with our son over his chores. We were trying to get him to do what was right. One day I had an idea. I had a way to express the Fathers love through boundaries. When he came home from school I told him, “Darren, Mom and I have been talking and we have decided you do not have to do your chores anymore; you can even skip your homework if you want to.” He was in blissful shock! After a pause I continued, “But you cannot have any privileges such as TV, computer, or spending time with friends either, unless you take care of your responsibilities. We love you and we are not going to pressure you or argue anymore. We’d love for you to have your privileges but they only come with responsibility.”

He tested it and we did not get angry or pressure him or shame him. We did not even close our hearts toward him at all; we were quite friendly and loving. The entire next day, however, he did not have any privileges. After a time or two the battle was over and now it is never a fight to see him take care of his chores and homework.How to Use Boundaries Instead of Control Tactics

Gal 5:1, 2 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Indeed I, Paul, say to you that if you become circumcised, Christ will profit you nothing.

What is Legalism?

Is legalism the judgmental Pharisees of the Bible? Is it the church where women cannot wear makeup? What is its underlying principal?

I believe law is based in man’s efforts and in fear. If I can make a rule about something, then I can take things into my own hands, be in control and create my own “security.” This is all fear motivated. I am afraid God will not be there for me and that is what moves me toward law.

The whole world system and man’s fallen nature pushes us toward law. In the verses above, the Galatians knew truth and freedom but the traditions of a lifetime – fears they might not measure up – and the pressure of peers, all served to push them back toward circumcision.

Once I start moving towards law, things now depend on me; I am afraid I may not measure up and so I feel pressure all the time. What if I cannot meet my own needs? What if I cannot measure up and be acceptable?

Legalism is About Control

How to Use Boundaries Instead of Control TacticsIf I do not trust someone to do the right thing, I apply some pressure. Rules are applied through tactics of intimidation, anger, shaming and fear. We make statements to our children like, “What’s wrong with you?”  A sales manager states, “Whoever is at the bottom of the sales board at the end of the month will be fired.” A minister preaches, “You are either for God or against Him; if you aren’t giving to evangelism (or the building project, or the mission trip…) you won’t be blessed;” or “Jesus died on the cross for us and we can’t even give Him our best?”

Our identities get tied into these things. Fear that our son or employee or church member might make us look bad, might hinder us from applying rules and being successful, acceptable.

How We Motivate Others

At the moment we accepted Jesus, God could have installed in us a zapper, like those electronic collars for dogs used with the invisible fence. The electrical wire is buried under ground and when the dog with the collar crosses it he gets a “zap!” He very quickly learns where he can and cannot go. God could have done that with us at salvation. We go to spread a little gossip, tell a lie or express some lust and “Zaaap!” If this were the case, I believe the body of Christ would quickly rise to whole new levels of obedience, BUT… would it be outward conformity? Would it simply be obedience based on law and fear?

Coming to the Light of the Fathers Love

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Coming to the Light of the Fathers Love is the basic step for all growth to build off of.

We all battle coming to the light sometimes. Our base in the Fathers love empowers us.

Have you ever hidden things about yourself? Maybe ways you’ve felt jealous of someone or threatened by someone? Coming to the Light of the Fathers LoveWays you’ve struggled with a habitual sin? Maybe it’s walking around with an angry edge but never really addressing it. This can often lead to feelings of condemnation, hopelessness, struggles with loneliness, or anxieties. One night at a restaurant I observed another couple who didn’t talk or look at each other the entire meal. The husband just sat there reading a book as they ate. There was no intimacy between them. Clearly they had some issues in their hearts that had not come to the light.

Hiding things about ourselves hinders fellowship and keeps us from feeling clean on the inside.

So often we try to handle things on our own, putting up a strong front, but this is independence. Independence is the opposite of fellowship. Independence is what blocks our true heartfelt connection with God and man. What is the key to effectively deal with this? It starts with understanding how to come to the light.

We come to the light when we risk trusting someone enough to open up to them. Exposing our interior secrets and struggles to another person shines a light into the dark corners of our hearts.

Is there someone who really knows you? Someone who knows you well enough to see your patterns? One to whom you trust enough to put the walls down and allow to speak into your life?

Coming to the Light of the Fathers Love1 John 5:7 says, “If we walk in the light… we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin.”

There are two primary things here. One, light brings us to experience true, effective fellowship wherein we feel connected and no longer lonely. And two, light is where the blood cleanses us, where it becomes effective, where our heart can truly receive forgiveness, and we feel clean.

If you’ve been in emotional pain, feeling cut off, struggling with anger or fear, take a step. Find someone you trust and begin coming to the light.

Enhancing Deliverance by Examining the Compassion Root

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Enhancing Deliverance by Examining the Compassion Root. Trying to do deliverance without first resolving the underlying painful event never really works.

Prayer ministry is key to making peace with what happened thereby enhancing deliverance.

Deliverance can be a powerful tool in our arsenal to help people find freedom. Nevertheless, I commonly run into people who have tried it without much result. Sometimes we have taken authority over the bad fruit but not fully gotten at the root underneath it. It is not enough for the minister to recognize the problem and take authority. The person receiving must recognize it and have peace with what happened and compassion toward those who caused pain. With a few added keys, deliverance is as easy as spreading room temperature butter.

Deliverance by Examining the Compassion RootMelanie struggled for years trusting her husband with finances. She felt so powerless and insecure when she left them in his hands and didn’t micromanage. She acknowledges there’s a problem, has prayed over it and yet still struggles. Looking back at her childhood, she has recognized that her dad had a gambling problem and many times had lost his whole paycheck by the time he made it home, putting the family through many hardships and pain. Melanie had prayed deliverance prayers and taken authority over generational iniquity. She had renounced closing her heart toward her dad. Nevertheless, she was still struggling with trusting her husband.

We worked with Melanie to examine her heart and see if she was at a place of truly forgiving her dad for mishandling finances and even having compassion on him for his compulsion. When she looked more clearly into her heart, what she actually felt was a sense of powerlessness and abandonment. Not only did it seem her dad wasn’t there, but even God felt distant when it came to finances. This gives legal ground to the enemy and renders attempts at deliverance ineffective.

As we lifted this to the Lord, God let her know that He’d always been there for her and has always taken care of her well, despite the many financial hardships from her father’s gambling.

Deliverance by Examining the Compassion RootMelanie prayed again and renounced closing her heart to her dad as well as her husband in the area of finances. It now felt easy and free. She can now trust her husband in this area.

So often we fight the fruit but haven’t fully gotten at the root. Compassion is an excellent test. When we can look at the person who has hurt us and not only feel free but even see the pain they’ve been in that has driven their behavior, we are on the road to freedom. Then deliverance becomes easy like butter.

North Winds Blowing

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Cooperating with God’s sanctifying growth through devotions helps you mature.

Cooperating with God's sanctifying growth through devotionsHave you ever been in a Nor’easter? Here in Florida we get them throughout the winter season. Unlike the summertime when the sky touches the water on a flat line and the wind is calm and the air is balmy, the cold weather blows in with white caps streaking like a blanket over the ocean and the horizon’s straight line is now wavy from the peaks and valleys on the water.

And you know what else happens with a Nor’easter? All the soft sand on the beach blows away and exposes the shells and everything else underneath it. Herein lies our lesson. What happens when the Lord allows the Nor’easters in our lives to blow over us and the things we have hidden get exposed? How do we respond when we feel like those shells lying uncovered on the beach for everyone to see?

We all have things hidden under the sand. Most of us don’t want to talk about them, but the Lord knows they are there. The winter seasons can bring about pain and unresolved issues as holidays bring together broken families and sometimes old memories we’d hoped to forget. The strong winds lay the wounds wide open at tCooperating with God's sanctifying growth through devotionsimes.

But instead of hiding our hurts, what if we brought everything out into the open in our devotional times with the Lord? What if we were truthful with our hearts, and put things out before the Lord, asking Him to help us? Healing could finally come. An unknown cancer living in our bodies can’t be healed if we don’t know it’s there. Likewise, pushed down anger, bitterness, jealousy, or unforgiveness can’t be released if we can’t acknowledge it. Not that we do so to blame or purposefully harm anyone, but keeping things in the dark doesn’t allow the light of God to touch it.

If the Lord is blowing a Nor’easter your way, that’s okay. There are treasures to be found hidden under the soft sand. Let us know if we can be of any help.

Only Love Brings Christian Maturity

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Only Love Brings Christian Maturity is a primary concept for all growth. We can’t be forced or scared into maturity.

Only the Father’s Love can cause a heart to feel secure enough to blossom.

Empowerment for Maturity

Understanding how maturity occurs is a very powerful tool in our hands for freedom. So many Christians get stuck “working harder” and end up battling condemnation. 1 John 4:18 says that “perfect (mature) love casts out fear.” When love is mature in us, it frees us of fear. All fear is based in some form of not believing we are loved.

Shame – Fear – Control Stronghold

There is a concept called the shame-fear-control stronghold by Chester and Betsy Kylstra. When someone is controlling (whetOnly Love Brings Christian Maturityher through overt anger or passive withdrawal) and relationship is cutoff, it is driven by fear. Fear, in turn, is driven by shame. Shame is based in lies we believe about ourselves. These lies are worded as such:  “I’m flawed,” “I’m helpless,” “I’m bad,” “I’m dirty,” and so forth. Prayer Ministry is the tool that can change this.

Love Not Law

It is love that addresses both fear and shame. So in a very real sense, all sin and shortcoming is about a love deficit. There is a lacking, a shortage, or deficiency of love. Something in my heart is struggling to believe that God is good and loving and has the very best in mind for me. Therefore, trying harder, sacrificing, and living “white-knuckle” Christianity does not mature us anymore than shaking an empty piggy bank more violently will produce any coins. Romans 7 says that the law is what stirs up the sinful passions of the flesh, not what restrains it. Knowing we are loved at a deep heart level sets us free from fears and the need to control. It empowers us to rest and to respond to the “unrest” of others with maturity and compassion. Fear will be “cast out” and love will take its place.

Sonship Involves Knowing How to Access Gods Provision

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Sonship Involves Knowing How to Access Gods Provision

Learning how to be real, vulnerable, and able to ask for help are key skills of sonship.

God is a Father that will never leave us, it is His good pleasure to give us the kingdom, we are with Him always and all that He has is ours. There is a life of serenity, of being daily grounded in His love regardless of circumstances. There is a place of living as an overcomer rather than with a slave mentality like the children of Israel in the wilderness. However, the big question is, how do we access it?

Sonship Involves Knowing How to Access Gods ProvisionHere’s a profound truth – to receive help we have to be able to ask for it. Nevertheless, the asking can feel really vulnerable, even like something is wrong with me or I have a weakness. Why is this a struggle for so many?

Growing up with an angry father communicated clearly to me the three rules of a dysfunctional family: don’t trust, don’t talk, and don’t feel. There was no model for asking for help. Having a problem meant either ridicule or punishment. So if I can’t ask for help and receive it in a healthy way, what’s left? A victim mentality, complaining, self-pity, acting helpless, and acting out.

The way up is the way down. It is not getting stronger but getting weaker that brings the victory.

2 Corinthians 12–“My grace is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why I delight in weaknesses… For when I am weak, then I am strong.

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