Prayer Ministry Growth Occurs When You Identify Life Skills in Your Family System
When you understand shame interactions you find a huge key to EQ (emotional intelligence). This brings freedom to live out the Father’s Love in all your relationships as a son. You can apply prayer ministry to the wrong interactions you find.
There is a concept called “Family Systems.” This is simply a consideration of a family’s patterns or “systems” of interaction with one another.
For example, most of us would be familiar with the idea that in an alcoholic family everyone gets sick, not just the one drinking.
Here are two core ways family members interact with one another:
1) On a foundation of shame
2) On a foundation of respect
In reality, the majority of families have a mixture of both.
What does this have to do with walking in freedom? Everything!
Respect vs. Shame
A respect-based family system, in a nutshell, has to do with valuing one another’s opinions, rights, and identity. Problems and conflicts do not result in attacking each person’s core identity. Disagreements are talked out and resolution is found. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is expressed toward each other.
A shame-based family system mixes behavior and identity. This occurs because of a breakdown in EQ and life skills. It communicates insult – the person not only did wrong, but they are wrong! Their character and core identity are brought into the equation. People communicate this in a 1000 different ways.
A key concept behind shame is that it treats a person as an object. This occurs as people’s feelings are disregarded. This degrades a person’s identity. Just as pornography treats a woman as an object, so relationship “cutoffs” (an expression of shame) treats any person as an object.
Most families have some level of shaming interaction.
Shame-based interaction supports and maintains all addictive and compulsive behavior. Behaviors such as drug, alcohol and sex addiction. Also issues like struggles with overeating, overspending and even emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.
How to Root Out Intimacy Blocks
A relationship “cutoff” is when in any way my words or attitudes demean another, or any time I give someone the silent treatment. This communicates shame to the one receiving it.
These little foxes are not so little. They do not just cut off general relationship, they cut off intimacy.
The problem is that God created you for intimacy. If you do not find intimacy in legitimate ways, you will feel a draw to find it in illegitimate ways. This is why shame brings anxiety and loneliness. Shame drives us to fill that void with “something” (drugs, sex, food, money, control).
Learning to recognize shame reveals to you where your problems lie. Recognizing these patterns allow you to see how to pray over them and get free. This is a great thing to journal out in your daily devotions. As you do so, you will discover your stuck places and find huge paths to freedom.