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Receiving Dignity From Your Heavenly Father

July 6, 2018 by Robert Hartzell

Receiving Dignity From Your Heavenly Father

Sonship-Themed Movies

Many movies actually display a sonship theme. There’s usually a part where the hero has reached rock bottom and he is ready to do anything to fight his way out of the pit. I love this! The mentor emerges but will not immediately agree to help. He tests him first. How badly does he want help? Will he really push past the pain? Will he really be teachable enough to do anything instructed? The mentor tests to see if the person will choose to move out of a victim mentality.

God is Not Co-dependent

In Exodus 15 God tells the Israelites that He will continually keep them cleansed from the diseases of Egypt if they will heed His voice and do what is right. Then, God intervenes right in front of them and cleanses the waters of Marah, demonstrating what He will do on their behalf.

Receiving Dignity From Your Heavenly Father

God is demonstrating how He will be a coach, a mentor to them, to help them move from an Egyptian slave mentality, into becoming an army that can fight battles and take the Promised Land. He will mentor, but only as they do their part.

Empowerment

So often we want the magic pill, the quick fix, the right guy with the right anointing to lay hands on us and cast out our problems. However, so frequently God is asking us to grow and mature, to partner with Him, to take responsibility for where we are at and work through it, not play the victim who’s waiting to be rescued.

This is hugely empowering! As He mentors us like this and we co-laborer with Him, we are no longer those victims needing to be set free. We are becoming sons in the Father’s house. Sons (and daughters) that know how to take responsibility, find available resources, and fight battles. Sons that have the resources and backing of our Father.

In sonship we become more than conquerers in Christ!

Filed Under: Sonship Tagged With: codependent, Sonship, Victim Mentality

Is God Angry?

June 21, 2018 by Robert Hartzell

Is God Angry?

Seeing Father God’s heart of love is the only path to Christian maturity.

John 3:16-17 — For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

Obedience Based on Fear

When I was still a boy my family and I went to a restaurant. My brother and I used our napkins properly and kept our elbows off the table. We were not noisy nor did we interrupt, in fact we did not speak unless spoken to. A couple sitting nearby commented to my dad how well-mannered my brother and I were. What they did not know was that we lived with an abusive father and were obedient for fear of our lives!

My father extracted our obedience, but at what cost? I grew up hating him and rebelled in every way. He extracted obedience, but he did it based on fear and control, producing only an outward conformity.

I cannot put into words how huge I think this is! This is the church; this is the world system; this is the debate of our times! A huge amount of preaching relies on the idea of threat, punishment or judgment. I feel like this is bringing God down to man’s level or projecting onto God how man would do things. Having to resort to threat is weakness, it is fear-based and it implies insecurity. A bully would not have a need to intimidate if he was secure! I grew up with an abusive father and it was all based in fear. I just cannot believe that God is in heaven wringing His hands over what in the world He is going to do with so many disobedient children!

Bill Johnson once said, “A battle is brewing, not over the Holy Spirit, healing or revival, but over the goodness of God. If I did to my children what some people accuse God of doing to His, I would be thrown in jail for child abuse!”

God is not destroying cities with earthquakes or floods. He is not causing storms and hurricanes because of sin, and He is not putting sickness on people to try and teach them something. He is a loving God. 1 John 4 says that God is love and so everything He does is with love in mind. Am I saying there are no consequences for sin, of course not, but I believe how we look at it is vitally important. Man chooses his own way, the world is under sin, and breaking God’s laws bring reaping. If an airplane loses a wing and thus breaks God’s laws of aerodynamics it will crash, not because God poured out His wrath but because laws were broke. God’s will is that all the people on that plane would be saved, 1 Timothy 2:4.

True obedience is born out of a heart broken by love not out of scaring someone into “fire insurance.” It is love alone that can make a person feel safe enough to lower the walls down from around their heart and move into empathy. True conviction has to have the element of empathy for it is then that we see how our actions have hurt others, we move out of selfishness and can begin embracing steps of humility! Even to the point of seeing our need for a Savior.

A loving father is one who sets boundaries for his children, gives them free choice but also does not rescue them from the consequences of their actions. He never devalues, demeans or belittles, and it is certainly not his heart to pour out his wrath on his disobedient children.

God is well able to be the mature one in our relationship with Him, to take the high road, not being childish or petty. He is not threatened by ways we are still selfish and immature. He rejoices over us with joy and singing (Zephaniah 3:17) and His banner over us is love (Song 2:4).

Filed Under: Father's Love

How to Build Sonship Life Skills into Your Life

May 16, 2018 by Robert Hartzell

How to Build Sonship Life Skills into Your Life

Prayer Ministry is wonderful for removing blockages but it is only half the battle. I tell people, it’s a two-sided coin. We remove the blockage but then the new skill must be walked out.

Learning new skills is often very difficult for people. When I moved to the mission field I realized that learning Spanish was a bigger skill than I imagined. I initially thought learning the corresponding Spanish word was all I needed to do. I soon discovered there was so much more. I had to learn how concepts were communicated in Spanish versus English. I had to learn to hear the new words in conversation. I had to be willing to step out and try speaking it and likely look a little foolish. I knew missionaries that never learned to speak Spanish well because they just couldn’t take the risk of stepping out and saying something wrong and looking foolish.

Consider some of the skills we may need for life:

  • setting a boundary with peers or persistent children

  • dialogue – talking through an issue, not resorting to anger or withdrawal

  • public speaking

  • leading worship

  • facing a large work/school project

Often fear is a hindrance. This is usually easy to deal with in prayer ministry. There’s always a root to fear, usually in the area of an abandonment lie. However, once that is resolved, the skill still has to be attempted. This doesn’t guarantee success. Most people don’t learn to ride a bike on the first try.

If someone doesn’t feel good about trying more than once there may be a perfectionism issue. If you think, “What if I fail?” check your heart for perfection. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can try, learn, get more prayer ministry if need be, and try some more. Anyone who is persistent can overcome.

“By this all men will know you are My disciples, by the love that you have for people.” (John.13:25) So often spiritual things are put into amorphous terms, such as, “You’ve either had some experience in love or you haven’t”. “You either preached with anointing or you didn’t.” I don’t want to discount that. We do need experiences in God and His anointing. However, learning skills play a huge role also.

Skills like, “Have I dealt with my rejection issues so I can walk in love toward the immature behavior of others?” “Do I know the basics of good public speaking so God’s anointing has something to work with?”

We wouldn’t say to a keyboard player to “just be anointed.” Cyndi would tell you that practicing hours and hours a day in college led to not having to think now as she plays during worship because of the incredible muscle memory she has, therefore allowing the Holy Spirit to flow through her playing as He desires.

The world desperately needs mature Christians who have not only overcome their issues, but who have also developed good skills to bring God’s answers to a hurting world.

Filed Under: Sonship Tagged With: Boundaries, Father's Love, fear, Prayer Ministry

Sermon Outline For Fathering Leaders

April 17, 2018 by Robert Hartzell

 

The Beauty of a Great Message

When I hear a message that inspires me, fills me with hope and encouragement, gives me new ideas for my life, I love it! When I stand to speak to a group of people I feel a huge responsibility. The group gives their time and ideally their heart, to hear what I have to say. Therefore, I want to deliver. I want to share in a genuine way and share something that I know works from my own life experience. This task can present quite a challenge. I have found a sermon outline template that helps a lot and can be used when sharing any message or lesson. As a result, I’d like to share that with you.  

Sermon Outline TemplateSermon Outline

I learned public speaking from my mentor, Jack Frost, who truly mastered the art. I participated in Toastmasters for several years and even won a local contest. These things helped, however, this sermon outline I found years ago, has helped me the most. So, from here on, let’s consider the simple steps of this outline. 

1. Define A Problem 

Step one of this outline involves describing well the problem you will address. Anything you ever share will involve overcoming some problem. Therefore, the better you describe the problem the more people will tune in to where you will go in the message. Moreover, they will feel you understand the challenges they face. You start to connect with people here, empathize with them, create resonance. People come into identification and feel your topic’s relevance to their lives. For example, in one message, I share story after story of people who burned out in ministry trying to work hard enough for God’s approval. I give a clear picture of how people come to struggle with this.

I’ll continue this example in the next steps to give you a sense of how this works. Next, we’ll consider the step that reveals your heart to people rather than simply head knowledge. 

2. Me Too 

The second step of the sermon outline shares my own story of struggle. Jack Frost called this “Transparent Witnessing”: sharing openly, vulnerably, from your own life. If I claim to have the expertise to speak on a given topic, I should have the ability to tell why, from my own life. This makes me real to people and creates emotional connection. 

Continuing with my example: “I also struggled working hard for God so that He would accept me and not cast me aside.” I share my story of burnout in ministry and specific stories of how that hurt my family. Sharing your heart connects people to you. Consequently, the next step moves them to a journey in their own hearts. 

3. My Story of Finding an Answer

In step three, I share not just my struggle and problem, but what I did to overcome it.

  • Where did I seek answers?
  • What steps did I discover?
  • What happened as I sought to apply those steps?

This takes people on a journey with you and speaks to them about their own lives.

So, in my example, “I sought mentors who had freedom over ministry burnout. I went deep receiving Prayer Ministry and learning to minister Prayer Ministry to others. This brought much healing from the fear of not measuring up to God’s approval.” I don’t simply share these facts, I tell the stories of how they occurred. At this point you want to share the good fruit that came from taking your steps. 

4. Results

For step four of your outline, share how the steps you took helped. For example, “I no longer fear God’s upset with me and that I have work hard enough to please Him. Now I have found freedom from condemnation. My relationship with my family is loving. I no longer place the demands of performance on them that I had placed on myself. We enjoy each other.” Again, share actual stories of how this happened. This encourages people to take their own steps toward freedom. Finally, let’s consider one more important step. 

5. A Call to Action

The final step gives a call to action. Maybe you call people to a prayer time of repentance and forgiveness and speaking God’s love over them. You might invite people to buy a book you wrote. Maybe to become involved in a program you offer. People want to change their lives and appreciate clarity on what to do. In conclusion, I’ll give you an easy way to remember all of this. 

The 30-30-30 Model of Public Speaking

To quickly remember this outline think of it as 30-30-30. 

In other words:

What it was like – What happened – What it’s like today. (The “Problem” – “Finding an Answer” – “Results.”) 

I’ve found that good public speaking takes hard work. Many people have spoken in public for years and yet experience mediocre results. I believe we owe it to our audiences to give it our best. I hope this post will help you on your journey. 

Filed Under: Fathering Leadership

The Secret Kingdom Where You Live At Home in Love

August 22, 2017 by Robert Hartzell

A Definition – Live At Home in LoveLive At Home in Love

How would you define what it really means to live “at home” in love? What would it look like? How would it make you feel?

For example, imagine this classic movie plot. A man works as an undercover agent. He lives for the thrill of action and adventure, a true adrenaline junkie. So what happens? What else, he meets a girl, decent and caring, who sweeps him off his feet. Yet, he struggles to settle down, to live at home in love instead of a life of adrenaline.

In the predictable plot, life brings challenges his way and he nearly loses what truly grew in his heart — love for his family. These trials bring things into focus for him and motivates change.

In a final scene, he plays on the beach with his little boy, laughing with his wife, such joy on his face. His friend nearby says, “He’s home, where he’s always belonged.”

Have you realized the place you have always belonged? 

Learning to live at home in love opens up to us life in the Secret Kingdom. Therefore, let’s consider how to do this.

 

Learning to Live At Home in Love

At first, it seems like such a simple concept, to live at home in love. Yet, many things seek to pull us away.

For instance, in my childhood the enemy sought to insert a lie into my heart – a lie that say home represents danger. As a result, I have battled fears and insecurities. Regrettably, I dealt with this through times of withdrawal and putting up walls of defensiveness.

Live At Home in LoveHowever, God created me for love, to live at home in love. Living here makes life work, it gives life meaning. Consequently, nothing brings more fulfillment and joy than discovering the Secret Kingdom of a life lived in love.

1 John 3:14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death.

As a result of this truth, I want to grow. How about you? Let’s consider some practical steps.

  • Daily show each of our family members how incredibly loved and special they are.
  • Seek to do little acts of kindness each day in the world around you, and don’t even tell anyone about it.
  • Express your love and gratitude to God. Science has proved what God has said all along; writing a daily Gratitude Journal works makes for a healthy heart and keeps you from entertaining negativity. (1 Thess.5:18)

 

Eternity

Finally, learning to live at home in love prepares you for living in eternity.

1 John 4:16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 

To quote Brennan Manning —“I have become convinced that on Judgment Day Jesus will ask us just one question: ‘Did you believe that I loved you?’”

So then, have you found the Secret Kingdom, to live “at home” in love?

If we will let Him, God will use life as a preparation for us “to live at home in love” eternally. Jesus went and prepared a place for us. John 14:2 calls it “a family dwelling.”

In conclusion, we exist to learn to live in this Secret Kingdom, our family dwelling. We exist to live at home in God’s love.

Filed Under: Father's Love

You Are Designed to Become Fluent in the Father’s Love

July 10, 2017 by Robert Hartzell

How To Become Fluent in the Father’s Love

1 John 4:7-8… everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.                                                           He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

Imagine listening to the pure, spine tingling sounds of a Stradivarius violin played by a maestro. The notes resound pure, powerful, and penetrating. The sounds stir something deep in you, emotions flow, and you find your heart moved into warmth and creativity. The violin functions according to its perfect design.

Your heavenly Father, as the ultimate Maestro, sends His vibrations of love through you, the perfect “Stradivarius,” created in His image, fearfully and wonderfully made. This happens as you take love seriously, focus on love, and surrender to love.

Taking Love Seriously

When you embrace your design and prioritize love, you participate with God to bring His love to earth as it exists in heaven. Then, you have started to become fluent in the Fathers love. You begin to experience wholeness more deeply and the broken places in others receive ministry from you.

Have you made a decision to take love seriously?

Life spent in any other purpose lacks meaning, flows contrary to design, and becomes ultimately painful. Therefore, let’s consider how to take love seriously.

Focus on the Father’s Love

First, you make love your focus. Consequently, God will use every relationship, every situation, circumstance, and challenge in your life to bring you deeper into His love. To simply let go of your resistance to love becomes your job in every situation. How can you do this?

You can ask, “God, show me your love in this situation.”

When you find yourself struggling in some circumstance pray, “Father, help me see this with Your eyes of love. Wherever my thoughts have drifted from love, where I’ve tried to protect myself, acted defensively, greedy, angry, fearful… — help me shift my mindset to think according to Your thoughts of love.”

Surrender to the Father’s Love

What does it mean to surrender to God? It means to release your expectation, your push for a given result and to simply choose to love. As you choose love as the priority in any situation, you release the power of God to do wonderful things. You then find rest, freedom, and victory, regardless of the outcome.

Become Fluent in the Father’s Love

The Christian life resounds through love, even as that Stradivarius violin penetrates hearts and emotions. The more you become fluent in the Fathers love, the more you “know Him.” The more you resist love, the more you can see you don’t yet know Him. Thankfully, He never condemns you for this — He is love. He’s calling you, “Come to My love, My child, and find rest.”

Filed Under: Father's Love

Can Your Eyes See the Fathers Love?

June 29, 2017 by Robert Hartzell

Many people see the Fathers Love through a “works” lens but don’t even realize it. Intellectually they think, “I have embraced the fact that God loves me unconditionally.” However, the fruit their lives produce tells the true story.

Mark 8:16-18  — And they reasoned among themselves, saying, “It is because we have no bread.” But Jesus said to them, “Why do you reason because you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive nor understand? Is your heart still hardened? Having eyes, do you not see?…See the Fathers Love

So what do you do with all this? First and foremost, how can you know if you really do struggle to see the Fathers love? And secondly, how can you fix it?

 

The Struggle – Feeling Powerless

Have you ever felt that sinking feeling that comes when you have a sense of powerlessness? I used to see this dog left chained up in a neighbor’s backyard all day long. He’d bark and tug, longing for freedom, fun, and fellowship. He’d eventually tire and give in, laying down dejected. In the same way, I have sometimes grown tired in my Christian life and laid down dejected.

 

Trying But Not Succeeding

For example, I heard a teaching on obeying God’s commands that stirred me deeply. Oh, the benefits that would come to the man who could obey, benefits of favor and success. And, oh, the consequences of the one who does not obey!

I tried so hard to keep God’s commandments in order to show Him that I loved Him. (Jn.14:15)

I “tried hard,” as opposed to operating from a base of knowing I’m loved already. I didn’t see that at the time.  This wrong “seeing” produced adverse effects in me. I failed repeatedly at my attempts to obey. I thought I could see the Father’s love, yet my life fruit proved differently.

So then, what “fruit” indicates I struggle to see the Fathers love?

  • A tendency to be hard on myself and battle condemnation.
  • I “try harder” to overcome in certain areas of my life but feel like I never make any progress.
  • Struggles crop up in my heart to show a gracious toward the faults of others.
  • The ability to rest in my blessedness as a child of my Father eludes me.

 

How Did I Fix It?

Consider this verse: 1 John 2:5 But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him…

For years I “saw” that verse as something I needed to do to show God’s love perfected in me.  

  • I needed to keep God’s word, I needed a deep daily prayer time, with some fasting mixed in.
  • I had better walk in the fruit of the Spirit, showing patience and kindness toward everyone.
  • Perhaps most importantly, I should reach the lost and pray for the sick.

Regrettably, most days I rarely made it past lunch before feeling I had failed in some way. I didn’t correctly see the Fathers love.

Yet as I studied and learned more about the Fathers love, I saw that verse in reverse.

God’s love doesn’t perfect (develope) in me after I can finally show obedience. I can finally show obedience only after enough of God’s love perfects (develops) in me!

Once I can embrace my weakness and in humility let God’s love into my heart, keeping His word becomes natural and easy.

Because He loves me, despite my failings, I grow deeper in love with Him. I start to love what He loves. Out of love I obey.

God has a call to us. A call to rest, a call to love. A place where competition, striving, jealousy, and condemnation, don’t exist. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor.12:10)

Developing eyes that really perceive, really see the Fathers love brings freedom. Freedom to rest, and freedom to grow.

Filed Under: Father's Love

You Are Your Secrets

June 23, 2017 by Robert Hartzell

A Principle for Internalizing God’s Love

I have read the article in today’s post many times since 1986 when I received it from a friend. It has deeply impacted my life. It provides a principle most people miss in pursuit of healthy Christian living. The article explains how to build the positive into our lives. Let me explain.

Think about a broken leg after a couple of months in a cast. The bone has become solid again. However, muscle strength still has to be rebuilt. Consider this analogy in the context of Prayer Ministry.

I have given and received many hours of Prayer Ministry and I’ve seen and experienced much healing. The negative wounding has been cleansed. However, the positive still has to be built in, or learned if you will. This can be understood in the context of family.

Consider a person growing up in an emotionally healthy home. Thousands of experiences have been internalized wherein people were kind to each other. The parents consistently modeled respectful behavior, even in conflict and conflict resolution. All of these events built healthy neural connections in the brain of the child. As an adult, the child easily follows suit. But, what if you didn’t have those developmental experiences? How might you build in the positive, even as you cleanse out the negative?

Today’s article will give you a key principle to build in the positive in your life.

YOU ARE YOUR SECRETS

O. Hobart Mowrer

A few years ago, by sheer coincidence, I “discovered” the novels of Lloyd C. Douglas. Since the early 1930’s, I had, of course, been accustomed to seeing their titles—sometimes two or three at a time— on the various best-seller lists. But, as a professional psychologist, I had dismissed them as the sentimental rubbish, which the critics were all too willing to assure you they were. However, sometime in 1954, one of our then teen-age daughters remarked to me one day that she was reading a book which she thought I, too, would find interesting. It was, she said, by a man named Douglas and was entitled Magnificent Obsession; and in the passage which had particularly inspired her comment, someone was saying that he had just realized that, whatever else the Bible might or might not be, it is a superb handbook on human relations. Having grown up in—and long since left—a church which took a completely other-worldly view of religion, I was indeed intrigued by this notion and soon started reading the book myself.

This was at a time when, for both scientific and personal reasons, I was thoroughly disillusioned with psychoanalysis and was desperately looking for something to take its place. Here, it seemed, was a possible lead. As a indication of the impact Magnificent Obsession had on me, I may say that from it I went on, during the next year or so, to read all of Douglas’ other novels (some ten of them), his autobiography, a collection of sermons, four small “theological” books (published while he was still a Congregational minister), and The Shape of Sunday, by his daughters, Virginia and Betty. As a psychologist and as a person, I as much impressed by the interpersonal philosophy of Lloyd Douglas, as it is developed in his various writings. But here I want to call attention to a particularly penetrating insight—the very heart of his approach—which I have recently been helped to understand in a new and deep way.

I.

There are millions of persons now living who will recall the scene, about midway through Magnificent Obsession, in which young Dr. Wayne Hudson, “on the edge of failure and in deep depression” following the death of his wife, goes to a monument works to pick out a marker for her grave and there encounters the eccentric but strangely talented sculptor, Clive Randolph. Sensing the doctor’s state of mind, Randolph engages him in conversation and gradually, as their friendship develops, imparts to him a “secret” which can, he says, transform one’s life.

At no place in the novel is the theory fully and explicitly stated; but when pieced together, it runs something like this. Most of us live depleted existences: weak, zestless, apprehensive, pessimistic, “neurotic.” And the reason is that when we perform a good deed, we advertise, display it—and thus collect and enjoy the credit then and there. But when we do something cheap and mean, we carefully hide and deny it (if we can) with the result that the “credit” for acts of this kind remains with us and “accumulates.” A person who follows such a life style is chronically bankrupt in the moral and spiritual sense. If, at any given moment, his life were “required of him,” he would be found wanting, could not pay out, settle up; for his “net worth” is less than nothing, negative. Small wonder, then, that a person of this kind has no confidence or zest and lacks creativity—he is too busy pretending, too “insecure,” too afraid of being “found out.”

So what is the alternative, the remedy for a person who has already fallen into, or wishes to avoid, such a miserable and meaningless existence? It is, quite simply, to reverse this whole strategy: admit and thus divest oneself of one’s weaknesses, errors, follies and hide one’s charities, good deeds, virtues. This, Randolph tells Dr. Hudson, is the secret of “what mysterious power I mentioned. By following these instructions to the letter, you can have anything you want, do anything you wish to do, be whatever you would like to be. I have tried it. It works. It worked for me. It will work for you!” (p.134)

And where, Dr. Hudson asks, did Randolph come by such an idea?

One day, I went to the church my little girl attended, and heard a preacher read what is on this page (torn from the New Testament, which the sculptor always carried in his billfold).

It evidently meant nothing to him, for he read it in a dull monotonous chant. And the congregation sat glassy-eyed, the words apparently making no impression. As for me, I was profoundly stirred…..  There it was—in black and white—the exact process for achieving power to do, be, and have what you want! I experimented.” (p. 135)

We are never told exactly where this passage is to be found in the New Testament; but it is not hard to guess that the allusion is to the first few verses of Matthew 6: “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men. . . Do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, they have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: that thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret Himself shall reward thee openly.”

Randolph had wanted the “capacity to do just one creditable work of statuary!” A few years before he had been an ordinary stone-cutter. Now he was a gifted sculptor whose work was later to be exhibited “at the Metropolitan.” So Dr. Hudson also “experimented,” taking care that his philanthropies were never know during his lifetime. He transcended his depression and became a great brain surgeon. And Bobby Merrick, another character in the book, by following the same principles, was able to make an important humanitarian invention.

Ah, you will say, but these events happened only “in a book.” Can they be duplicated in real life? Neither in his autobiography, Time to Remember, nor in Doctor Hudson’s Secret Journal (the sequel to Magnificent Obsession, written 10 years later), nor in the volume which his daughters published about him, is there any definite evidence that Lloyd Douglas himself practiced Clive Randolph’s secret formula for “power.” But is it not suggestive that until he was fifty years old, Douglas was a good but not outstanding minister and then, suddenly, became and remained to the end of his life the most widely read novelist in the English language? “Daddy always said he wanted to write a novel someday,” his daughters tell us. If all the facts were known, I believe that Lloyd C. Douglas’ own life would dramatically testify to the potency of the principle which he called an “obsession.”

II.

Here, however, I am more concerned about “power” in the therapeutic sense than in its implications for creativity, important as that, too, may be. For at least a decade now, it has been known in scientific circles (Saturday Review, August 1, 1959; Reader’s Digest, January, 1960) that psychoanalysis is a fiasco; and former practitioners of that dubious art are today experimenting broadly with different concepts and methods. They are particularly disenchanted with the alleged advantage of interminable talk; and many of them are open to the possibility that E. Stanley Jones was right when he remarked, some years ago, that it is easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting. The result is that today something vaguely describable as action “therapy” is in the making; and in my own work along these lines, I find myself, more and more, guiding neurotic individuals into a two-fold strategy which involves (a) confession of past misdeeds and (b) concealment of present and future “good works.” Instead of advising disturbed persons to continue to pay fees to a professional counselor, I urge them to take advantage of the opportunities which are always freely available for becoming honest and open with respect to past mistakes and then to take the equivalent of a fee (in time or money) and devote it to “charity by stealth.”

Because we psychologists and psychiatrists have ourselves been so “obsessed” by an entirely different philosophy, it has been hard for us to assimilate the full implications and practical possibilities of this other approach; but recently I have been using it with increasing confidence, and success. I could cite a sizable list, now, of instances in which this approach has worked, quickly and dramatically, in the lives of disturbed persons. However, I shall instead describe only one person whose experiences are typical and yet unusually illuminating. A bright young man with a history of adolescent delinquency and debauchery, he had, when I first saw him, already been attracted to and joined a religious group and had undergone a conversion of sorts; but he continued to be ruminative, moody, unpredictable in his interpersonal responses, and was never quite certain when he might revert to his old mode of life. At the suggestion of a mutual friend, he came to see me; and we moved quickly and with surprisingly little resistance toward the decision to make a clean break of his past to two trusted members of this group, and from this step the new policy of openness was extended to “significant others.”

The relief experienced by this young man and the personal change noted in him by his friends were very striking; and we were soon able to start thinking about the more positive aspects of the program. At this juncture I began introducing him to Clive Randolph’s “secret.” The lad was much interested, and presently I saw his face contort into a sort of scowl, his eyes lit up, and with some difficulty he succeeded in re-stating the idea in a way which, to me at least, was both clarifying and novel. I am sorry I do not have a record of his exact words; but they went something like this: “What you seem to be saying is that when we tell or brag about some accomplishment or favor we’ve done someone, we exchange the ‘credit’ for immediate satisfaction, that is, we ‘spend’ it. And in the same way, when we confess an evil, something we feel guilty about, we likewise get rid of it, dissipate it. . . like those things I did and thought I wasn’t ashamed of but was. Now that I have admitted them, they aren’t really a part of me anymore—they just don’t seem very important. By admitting these things, I have ‘spent’ my guilt. And now the same principle seems to work also the other way ‘round. Just as the wrong kind of ‘credit,’ if it accumulates, will eventually destroy you, likewise, good ‘credit’ will, if not used up, give you strength and inner confidence. The net effect is that you are, in any case, what you keep back, save: strong and self-accepting if what you hide and keep back is good, and weak and self-hating if what you keep and hide is bad.”

In thinking over this rephrasing of the theory, I recalled that some years ago there was a lively controversy in scientific circles—between, it so happens, a Yale professor and one at Harvard—concerning the problem of defining “personality.” The man at Yale insisted that we are, basically, what other persons perceive us to be, and the reactions we produce in them. In short, he said, one’s personality is one’s “social stimulus value. When asked to describe an individual’s personality we describe the impression he makes on others, the way he influences others.”

This, according to the Harvard psychologist, was all wrong. “Definitions of personality in terms of the outer appearance of a man,” he said, “are completely unsatisfactory. Psychologically considered, personality is what a man really is, what an individual is regardless of the manner in which other people perceive his qualities or evaluate them.”

Suffice it to say that, twenty years ago, the Yale professor had the better of the argument. His contention that a person is the effect or impressions he produces on others seemed eminently scientific and congruent with the stimulus-response psychology of that time; whereas the view of the Harvard professor that we are what we really, inwardly are seemed mystical and tautological. But now we can give more substance to this position. Now we can see that one’s personality is, in truth, more importantly defined and structured by what is unknown, inward, secret about him than by what is known. When a person shows unusual strength, we often say, “I don’t see how he (or she) does it.” And, by the same token, when a person breaks down, we are often even more mystified; for again we have not been aware of hidden weaknesses, just as we have not known the source of the other person’s great strength.

During the time that I was seeing the young man just mentioned, a lawyer about 30 years of age from a distant city telephoned unexpectedly, announced that he was in town, and would like an appointment. When I saw him he said that during the past eight years he had been in treatment with three different psychoanalysts but had not achieved relief from his severely obsessional symptoms. Somewhere he had learned of my interest in a different approach, and soon it emerged that in all his past “treatment” no attempt had ever been made to get him to clean up a number of misrepresentations he had systematically practiced with his parents and other persons. And when, after a good start had been made along these lines, I introduced him to Clive Randolph’s formula, he recalled an aunt who, not long ago, had died of cancer. “And yet,” he said, “she was so courageous and strong about it all that everyone remarked how wonderful she was. Then, after she was dead, I don’t know how many people came and told us about how she had helped them in some way but would never let them mention it.” Who was this woman, really? Was she the person the public knew, or was she the person she knew? Perhaps it is less important what our “stimulus value” is to others than what is to ourselves. Had this woman sometime read Magnificent Obsession—or merely the 6th Chapter of the Book of Matthew? Yes, I think it is perhaps not too far from the truth to say that, ultimately, we are our secrets.

Filed Under: Father's Love

Overcoming Loss and Grief Impacts Your Experience in Father’s Love

June 15, 2017 by Robert Hartzell

Cooperating with God in overcoming loss and grief has significant impact on your daily Christian life. This could be any type of loss or grief — death, job change, moving, etc. Therefore, I want to consider how grief can trap us and how to find some steps to healing.

Overcoming Loss and GriefDarkness

Have you felt the weight and darkness of loss? Most of us have at some level. It can feel very powerless and hopeless.

Some people even sink into an experience called Complicated Grief, meaning they get stuck in grief rather than moving through the grief process into freedom. The enemy would like nothing better than to trap you there.

Finding victory in overcoming loss and grief produces deep faith and increased compassion flowing out of your life. So first, let me share some of my story with you for a picture of the process.

No Father

In many ways I grew up fatherless. Although I did have a father, the contact I experienced often contained abuse.

As a result, I remember feeling completely overwhelmed by the world at the age of 21. I was delivering pizza for Domino’s, taking drugs, and living utterly directionless. I had no clue how to negotiate the adult world or what made life “work.”

Life becomes painful when hurtful things occur and “you don’t know what you don’t know.” Many questions enter into your mind:

  • “How come other people seem to find success in life and I don’t?”
  • “Why do I unwittingly say things that draw rejection from others?”
  • “Why do my feelings get hurt so easily?”

These statements and other powerless feelings expressed the loss of fathering in my life. I lived in this for a long time.

Then, a father figure did come along in my mid 20s who really began helping me. However, he passed away of cancer a few short years later. This added to my sense of loss.

Finally, after a few more years, God sent a spiritual father into my life that had a huge impact on my healing and growth. I received from him for about 7 years. However, he also passed away of cancer. 

Finding My Freedom

These losses seemed to dominate and overwhelm me at times. I’d even had the thought, “It’s dangerous for a person to father me.” Consequently, taking some steps to process grief began to release freedom into my life.

  • First, I learned to process my feelings of abandonment and anger that resulted from loss.
  • Furthermore, I learned to discover and renounce lies I had believed about God’s nature and character.
  • Paradoxically, I found that God’s presence had never left me and now led me forward into new things.

Let’s consider how you might take some steps also.

There are 2 crucial steps for overcoming loss and grief. 1) Recognizing and working through your feelings. 2) Working to embrace God’s character as good.

Work Through Your Feelings

First, understand that everyone deals with the grief process when experiencing loss. This process gives you the path to freedom as long as you don’t get stuck there.

I’ve ministered in Prayer Ministry to many people struggling with grief. Ultimately it comes down to a feeling of abandonment by God. Abandonment expresses itself in statements like,

  • “God doesn’t care about me.”
  • “Why didn’t He protect me.”
  • “God does hurtful and mean things to people.”

Intellectually, we know that these statements lie to us about God’s character. The Word states that God never leaves us nor forsakes us. He only, ever thinks good thoughts about us and not evil thoughts, because He always desires to give us hope and a future. (Heb.13:5, Jer.29:11)

However, intellectual truth rarely sets the heart free.

On the other hand, when you reach the place of facing your feelings and acknowledging them to God you take a huge step. Then, if you will ask God about these thoughts with a truly open heart, He will speak. “God, it feels like you abandoned me. Are you a God who abandons His children? Please speak to my heart about this.” 

Embracing God as Good

Finally, there’s a choice. Will you choose to embrace and pray, “God I don’t understand everything that has happened, but I choose to believe in Your goodness and that you always have my very best in mind”?

Consider this quote from Jason Clark, “God is love, His love is always good, and we exist to grow sure of this.” Freedom requires taking the step of faith to believe God is good even when there are many things you don’t understand. 

If you struggle with overcoming loss and grief, negative thoughts about God, and anger, please don’t battle this alone. Join a grief group or get some grief counseling. If you have some questions or desire ministry from us, drop us a line.

Filed Under: Prayer Ministry

Being Motivated by the Fathers Love Makes the Christian Life Work

June 1, 2017 by Robert Hartzell

Motivated by the Fathers Love, God’s life flows out of you.

 

Rest and Security

Motivated by the Fathers love, you will find the fruit of the Spirit flowing out of you naturally. Even as a bird doesn’t “try” to fly but naturally glides on the wind, so you won’t have to try to love, it just flows.

  • Then, your natural needs for affirmation, comfort, and security flow from their source — God. So you walk in joy.
  • You can therefore express a grace in how you relate to yourself and others in daily activities and even in the shortcomings we all experience.
  • Finally, a graciousness begins to mark your life that draws others to you.

When you enter more deeply into God’s rest and security, the battle of life ceases for you. So let’s first of all consider the hindrance to this life of rest in the Fathers love – man’s efforts.

Man’s Efforts

God provides us with a love-motivation for Christian living that supersedes everything else. We live in a fear-based world that seeks to use control to diminish its insecurities. So often this has colored our Christianity.

You cannot attain a love motivation and a freedom from control by “trying harder.” Freedom comes as you grow in awareness of your control tactics and learn to surrender them to God and then to find motivation in the Fathers love. Step one, develop a deep understanding of these dynamics. Galatians helps to understand this.

  • Galatians 1:1 — God sent Paul out, not of man—not of his own effort or according to man’s cunning, scheming, or striving. Paul didn’t go in his own strength.
  • Vs.2, 3—Accordingly, Paul went to the Galatians and speaks grace and peace to them. Grace, the free, unmerited gift of God’s love, and the peace that comes from the cessation of our own efforts.  
  • Verse 4—Jesus gave himself for our sins (the total opposite of man’s effort, living for “number 1”), that He might deliver us from this present evil age. We live in an evil age—full of wars, oppressive dictators, poverty, greed and corruption, using and abusing one another. It’s a world system based in fear and selfishness to get our own needs met in our own strength.
  • Verse 6—Paul marveled that the Galatians turned away so quickly from their calling into the grace of Christ, to another gospel.

Paul deeply understood and embraced a Fathers love motivation. Paul lived feeling “at home” in love. Let’s consider what Paul means by “another gospel.”

Legalism (My Efforts)

Paul referred to the Judaizers, who functioned by legalism, when speaking of another gospel. This gospel destroyed the grace of Christ and put living the Christian life on a different basis. A basis of keeping rules like circumcision (Gal.5:1-6). With law (rules) comes control. Under law your acceptance or rejection come based on how well you perform the laws, the rules, for acceptance.  

Legalistic “Christianity” and this present evil age function by control. Therefore,

  • All major world religions function by laws of acceptance.
  • Much of business culture has its own “norms of acceptance,” or ways “deals are struck.”
  • Cliques in high school operate the same. Acceptance comes with conditions.
  • Even in the mafia, a strict code exists and breaking it brings the consequence of death. Acceptance has conditions.  

We live in a present evil age.  

Control works by fear and fear flows from self effort, in other words, controlling and using others to get my needs met rather than trusting a loving God to care for me.  

Calling

In conclusion, God has called us to live motivated by the Fathers love, to truly walk in love and compassion. Then, we will win the world, not by fear tactics of hell and doom, but by love and acceptance. We’re called to passionate love for God whereby we will gladly lay down our lives. God has called you to the purity of a love motivation.

 

Filed Under: Father's Love Tagged With: Motivated by the Fathers love

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