Did you make any New Year’s resolutions? Self compassion for New Years Resolutions.
This is often the missing key you need to reach your goals.
Having self-compassion will empower you. Let’s consider what this self-compassion looks like and how to do it.
Parental Empathy – A Picture of Breakdown
A mother screams at her daughter, “You never clean the dishes well; there are always spots left on them! What the heck is wrong with you? You can’t do anything right!”
As I ministered to the person recounting this event she said, “I honestly was doing my best. I really didn’t know how to do the dishes any better than I was and mom never showed me. She always just yelled.”
This person had forgiven her mother for this event; but what still hurt was how her mother never “saw” her heart. She did not feel compassion from her.
You Were Made to Need Compassion
We all want to feel “felt.” God has this incredible compassion toward us, however sometimes we have trouble receiving it.
There are many of us who are conditioned to authoritarianism and legalism – that harshness, judgmentalism, and lack of tenderness.
Because of this, we need to “unlearn” that it’s not okay to make mistakes and that we shouldn’t receive compassion at such times.
When we start accepting our mistakes, this opens the way for us to treat ourselves with more compassion and kindness. And, bottom line, we can only learn to love others as we learn to love ourselves.
New Year’s Resolutions – Weight Loss Example
Now let’s consider how this might apply to losing weight.
Say you decided to embrace healthier eating in the new year. Clearly there will be times when temptation will feel overwhelming. So often we try “white-knuckle” Christianity in these moments – sheer willpower. Here’s another approach.
When you are hungry or tempted to make unhealthy choices, grab a piece of paper and write down what you need. Seriously. Begin free writing and you will start to address your emotions. Why are you feeling this need and what can you do to remedy this need without eating “just because.”
And know that this works even if we have failed. I have realized that learning to eat healthy is not simply a willpower choice, it is also a skill I need to learn. As with any learning, I don’t do it perfectly at first. The key is learning to forgive myself and work with my heart.
If you feel you need help in these ways, give us a call.