Fathers Love Brings Security
This is the first of a 10-part series on Principles of Growth and Maturity to Reach Your Destiny.
Our first 4 lessons will focus on the foundation of the Father’s Love.
Security in Love
The first, and primary, principle that makes all the rest of the principles work is knowing the Fathers Love Brings Security. This is the foundation for all growth.
Growth occurs when you are:
Teachable. To not take instruction and correction as rejection or condemnation. To have the ability to keep your heart open to the vulnerability of correction and not knowing things.
Able to Receive Love. To hold your heart open to the giving and receiving of love, joy, and playfulness.
Passionate for God. To grow in your passion for God. Fear can never produce the intimacy of passion for God; it must come from love.
Able to Rest. To live free from pressuring yourself in wrong ways to overcome problems and find maturity.
Security in love makes these aspects of growth possible.
What Secure Love Looks Like
Imagine a loving father with his 11-year-old daughter. She spoke a bit sassy to her mom concerning some suggestive clothing she wanted to wear to a friend’s house Friday night. This occurred in front of company, no less, amplifying her disrespect. Her dad sat her down for a talk. Instead of immediately squashing her behavior like a bug, he asks about her heart.
“We don’t speak to each other like that in our family. What is happening in your heart to prompt such a strong outburst?”
Because this fathers love brings security regularly, expressing affectionate love, quality time, and respect, the daughter’s heart trusted her dad’s heart and dialogue was possible. Some peer pressure insecurities came to light and were discussed. Her father still administered discipline – consequences for the girl’s actions; yet even here, it was with respect, focusing on the behavior and not the identity of his daughter.
This father could operate in these skills of discipline over punishment (dialogue and respect), because of his security in love. He was not embarrassed by his daughter’s outburst in front of company.
The Problem of Condemnation
Condemnation involves fear of judgement, of rejection, of not measuring up and being cut off.
As a Christian counselor I have done 1000s of hours of ministry helping people come into the experience of the Father’s love. One of the first ways I often have to work with people is in being kind toward themselves. They constantly tell me about trying so hard to deny certain thoughts or feelings or behaviors; trying to employ willpower, or what I call “white-knuckle Christianity,” instead of understanding first what the love deficit is that’s driving them to the wrong behavior.
To even consider what our love deficits may be takes a basic security in love – you have to know it’s okay to have a problem. If you can’t look at a problem, you can’t find a solution. You have to first see that, like the loving father in the story above, God looks at the behavior, not the identity.
In 1 John 4:7, 8 God tells us that He is love and knowing Him is about knowing love.
1 John 4:17 says that when God’s love has matured in us, the fruit of it is that we have no fear, even in the day of judgment. The result of mature love is knowing deeply that even God’s judgments toward us are completely for our benefit, and that He always only has the very best in mind for us.
And 1 John 4:18 reiterates this principle that God’s love casts out fear.
Two Core Hindrances
Unfortunately many people believe God is mad at them and wants to punish them. The most common ways people falsely learn this type of “fear of God,” is through (1) parents, and (2) churches that actively teach an angry God.
Picture a couple that have a huge fight right before bedtime, and end up going to bed angry with one another. See the husband on his side of the bed way over on the very edge, to the point of almost falling off. The wife is the same on her side. There they are, back to back, with all this space in the middle of the bed. There is no intimacy between them.
You can’t have intimacy with someone you feel is angry with you.
Fear causes people to close their hearts which cuts off all possibility of growth. Fathers love brings security.
The Fathers Love Brings Security is Your Foundation
There is no better investment you can make in your life than learning about the Father’s love. Hearing a message on it taught a couple times is typically not enough. I recommend you approach it like you would a college class. Read books, listen to teachings, search the scriptures, and take notes. You may even want to get some Christian counseling to help you identify those love deficits you discover.
Start your journey to your destiny now by allowing the Father’s love to bring security.
Talk to You Again Soon!
I look forward to communicating with you next time when I’ll cover Fathers Love Affection: The Key to Overcoming Habits.
Do you have a question about any of this? Feel free to contact me. All email goes to my personal inbox and I will be happy to respond in a timely fashion.
This lesson is Part 1 of a 10-part course on Principles of Growth and Maturity to Reach Your Destiny.