As Fathering/Mothering Leaders, our chief joy is to see our children — natural or spiritual — arrive to the place of maturity. Dialogue Transactions is a relationship key that is so simple it can be easy to miss.
Do you realize that every time you have a verbal exchange with another person something is being transacted? Our speech carries an emotional environment with it that’s positive or negative. Let’s consider a few examples of these exchanges that happen every day:
- Jesting, jocularity, and sarcasm – these can create a feeling of fun, or a feeling of needing to guard your heart. It depends on the object the joking is focused on.
- Discussing responsibilities and performance – this is a necessary part of life and can be empowering if done properly. However, it can be easy to discuss these things from a shame base or with a sense of condemnation if various goals are not met.
- News, sports, and weather – these are surface level conversations. There is nothing wrong with these assuming it doesn’t dominate most of our verbal exchanges with our kids. Chris Brogan has a fun article on 5 levels of conversation.
- Connection – this is hearing each other’s hearts. This is the good stuff. As children (or spiritual children) feel listened to and valued, they deepen their identity of worth as children of God. A bit of warning though — there can be an overbalance where every conversation has to be deep. That actually has the opposite effect.
Consider Your Dialogue Transactions
Would you consider your various conversations with those you father/mother? How often are you experiencing real connection?
As you become more aware of the types of conversations you hold, you will be able improve your fathering skillssubstantially. Much healing and maturing occurs simply from inclusive, connected, and valuing conversation. These exchanges let people know they have worth in your eyes and that you care for them.
If connecting with deeper levels of conversation is difficult for you, please contact us. There are some easy ways to resolve this difficulty.
Father, bless this dear reader today to go forth into valuing conversations, where they truly hear and are truly heard.