Fathering Leadership

Receiving Dignity From Your Heavenly Father

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Receiving Dignity From Your Heavenly Father

Sonship-Themed Movies

Many movies actually display a sonship theme. There’s usually a part where the hero has reached rock bottom and he is ready to do anything to fight his way out of the pit. I love this! The mentor emerges but will not immediately agree to help. He tests him first. How badly does he want help? Will he really push past the pain? Will he really be teachable enough to do anything instructed? The mentor tests to see if the person will choose to move out of a victim mentality.

God is Not Co-dependent

In Exodus 15 God tells the Israelites that He will continually keep them cleansed from the diseases of Egypt if they will heed His voice and do what is right. Then, God intervenes right in front of them and cleanses the waters of Marah, demonstrating what He will do on their behalf.

Receiving Dignity From Your Heavenly Father

God is demonstrating how He will be a coach, a mentor to them, to help them move from an Egyptian slave mentality, into becoming an army that can fight battles and take the Promised Land. He will mentor, but only as they do their part.

Empowerment

So often we want the magic pill, the quick fix, the right guy with the right anointing to lay hands on us and cast out our problems. However, so frequently God is asking us to grow and mature, to partner with Him, to take responsibility for where we are at and work through it, not play the victim who’s waiting to be rescued.

This is hugely empowering! As He mentors us like this and we co-laborer with Him, we are no longer those victims needing to be set free. We are becoming sons in the Father’s house. Sons (and daughters) that know how to take responsibility, find available resources, and fight battles. Sons that have the resources and backing of our Father.

In sonship we become more than conquerers in Christ!

How to Build Sonship Life Skills into Your Life

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How to Build Sonship Life Skills into Your Life

Prayer Ministry is wonderful for removing blockages but it is only half the battle. I tell people, it’s a two-sided coin. We remove the blockage but then the new skill must be walked out.

Learning new skills is often very difficult for people. When I moved to the mission field I realized that learning Spanish was a bigger skill than I imagined. I initially thought learning the corresponding Spanish word was all I needed to do. I soon discovered there was so much more. I had to learn how concepts were communicated in Spanish versus English. I had to learn to hear the new words in conversation. I had to be willing to step out and try speaking it and likely look a little foolish. I knew missionaries that never learned to speak Spanish well because they just couldn’t take the risk of stepping out and saying something wrong and looking foolish.

Consider some of the skills we may need for life:

  • setting a boundary with peers or persistent children

  • dialogue – talking through an issue, not resorting to anger or withdrawal

  • public speaking

  • leading worship

  • facing a large work/school project

Often fear is a hindrance. This is usually easy to deal with in prayer ministry. There’s always a root to fear, usually in the area of an abandonment lie. However, once that is resolved, the skill still has to be attempted. This doesn’t guarantee success. Most people don’t learn to ride a bike on the first try.

If someone doesn’t feel good about trying more than once there may be a perfectionism issue. If you think, “What if I fail?” check your heart for perfection. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can try, learn, get more prayer ministry if need be, and try some more. Anyone who is persistent can overcome.

“By this all men will know you are My disciples, by the love that you have for people.” (John.13:25) So often spiritual things are put into amorphous terms, such as, “You’ve either had some experience in love or you haven’t”. “You either preached with anointing or you didn’t.” I don’t want to discount that. We do need experiences in God and His anointing. However, learning skills play a huge role also.

Skills like, “Have I dealt with my rejection issues so I can walk in love toward the immature behavior of others?” “Do I know the basics of good public speaking so God’s anointing has something to work with?”

We wouldn’t say to a keyboard player to “just be anointed.” Cyndi would tell you that practicing hours and hours a day in college led to not having to think now as she plays during worship because of the incredible muscle memory she has, therefore allowing the Holy Spirit to flow through her playing as He desires.

The world desperately needs mature Christians who have not only overcome their issues, but who have also developed good skills to bring God’s answers to a hurting world.

Understanding that Shame is the Root of Control Issues Leads to Freedom

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Shame is the Root of Control Issues

All of us can move into controlling behaviors when we feel fearful.

This damages our relationships and even stresses our physical and spiritual health. Understanding the shame–control connection leads to freedom from hurt and stress. Let’s consider how it is that shame is the root of many hurtful behaviors.

Shame is the Root of Hurtful Behaviors

The way that families interact will be either honoring or shaming.

Most families are a mix having ways that they interact that are respectful of one another and ways that are shaming. Obviously any aShame is the Root of Control Issuesbuse whether physical, sexual, or emotional is shaming. However, so is the silent treatment, snide remarks, and cutting comments.

A simple test is to look at when you have a disagreement. Does the conversation stay respectful as you talk things out or does it move into hurtful remarks?

Now let’s see that even though shame is the root problem, Sonship Identity is answer.

Sonship Identity

Shaming interaction tears a person down. Shame says I am in some way bad, flawed, inadequate. Respectful interaction comes from a Sonship Identity. builds a person up. It treats the other with dignity and fosters intimacy in relationships. Intimate relationships are the key to self-esteem, confidence, the ability to take initiative, self-discipline, the freedom to try, and much more. This is a huge key because we so often think it is about trying harder or getting motivated enough. Even for overcoming compulsive behaviors, shame is the key.

Shame is the Key Force Behind Compulsive Behavior

All compulsive behavior, whether it’s over-spending, over-eating, substance abuse, or pornography is drivenShame is the Root of Control Issues and maintained by roots of shame. The compulsion is a “fruit” not a “root,” and cutting it off will not solve the problem, it will grow back. We so often think our problem is the “loss of control,” and we assure ourselves we’ll change and not do it again. However, the real problem is the shame and the anxiety it produces. Anxiety needs an antidote and so we turn to some compulsive behavior that provides a temporary numbing experience. All compulsive behavior is about the trance-like state it brings, reducing our anxiety for a little while.

Hope, Steps to Take
Understanding shame dynamics puts a huge tool in your hands. Fighting the “fruit” simply leaves you condemned, with feelings of failure. Getting at the shaming lies you have believed and dismantling your interactions that are not respect-based, brings lasting freedom.

Other steps you can take:

Capacity to Try and Emotional Health

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Capacity to Try and Emotional Health

The capacity to try is an interesting measure of ability for hard work and therefore success. It is also very much tied into emotional health. Capacity is the product of the right environmental foundation and the right development, even as a muscle in the human body is developed. Ultimately it is having a heart of sonship.

I worked with Joe in prayer ministry. He owned a small painting business. He had good current accounts and new ones calling him, yet he found it difficult to get motivated and seize the day. Things fell through the cracks and his family suffered financially. He was so tired of the self-condemnation. He’d tried everything and felt hopeless.Capacity to Try and Emotional Health

In his book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell states that, “Working hard is what successful people do.” Then he presents an interesting study: “Alan Schoenfeld, a math professor at Berkeley, studied average students working through math problems. One student endured twenty-two minutes on a problem and finally found her misconception and solved it. Most students studied asked for the answer after just a few failed attempts. The average student concludes it is too hard to ever solve at the two-minute mark.” (italics mine)

Capacity to try applies to learning all skills. Recently I’ve been into cycling with a group. Some days I can stay with the front of the pack. Yesterday I had trouble staying up with the back of the pack. Do I get discouraged, do I keep practicing?  How long will it take to build up my legs and endurance? In learning Spanish on the mission field, I met missionaries who never grew beyond asking where the bathroom was. They felt foolish speaking incorrectly in front of the locals. Of course, not being willing to make a mistake shuts down all learning. This is true with  growing in emotional health. It too, has a learning curve and requires persistence.

Capacity to Try and Emotional HealthHow long can I go before giving up? “Success is a function of persistence and doggedness and the willingness to work hard for twenty-two minutes to make sense of something that most people would give up on after thirty seconds. Testing how hard someone is willing to work reveals their capacity at success.” Gladwell (2008)

One of the ways exercise intensity is measured is through heart rate. Willingness to try is an interesting measure of emotional health and capacity for forward movement.

As I worked with Joe, he got in touch with an ambivalence his mother often expressed toward him. It was hard and painful to acknowledge this. But as he worked through it he was able to let go of lies that he lacked value and was powerless. He saw his mom had her own pain and that her ambivalence was not about him.

Many of us struggle with deep-rooted lies of powerlessness from where abuse objectified us repeatedly. The capacity to try comes from having lived in a safe environment where parents were loving, kind, patient, available, and encouraging. A place where it was okay to make a mistake, okay not to know something. There was an atmosphere void of absolute thinking, critical comments, and bigotry. In this environment, the child is supported in his efforts, learns from his failures and experiences the payoff from his work thus developing his “try” muscle. If this is not our foundation, we have to resolve any pain remaining from that lack and build it into our lives by knowing that our Heavenly Father is patient, kind, and enduring with us.

Understanding that the foundation of “willingness to try” is based in the Father’s love gives us a map for success rather than a bullet-point formula.

Gladwell, M. (2008). Outliers. NY: Back Bay Books

Thriving in the End-Times Through Surrender

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1 John 4:17 — Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.

God has a place of abiding for you wherein you will have boldness even in the day of judgment. The Apostle Paul walked here. You too, can have peace in the midst of anything that might ever happen.

surrenderNo Fear

We live in days that are scary to many people. We seek to alleviate our fears in many ways such as:

  • Overly focusing on the news of distressing world events.
  • Sports addiction.
  • Food addiction.
  • Posting on Facebook.
  • Even Biblical prophecy.

This was even true in 1700 when Madame Guyon wrote her autobiography:

“The revelations of things to come are also very dangerous. The Devil can counterfeit them. Frequently they raise false ideas, vain hopes, and frivolous expectations. They take up the mind with future events, hinder it from dying to self, and prevent it following Jesus Christ.”

The key to thriving in the end times is dying to self in order that God possess ever more of our hearts. 

A daily “Practicing His Presence” whereby He is ever more gaining first place in our hearts is our only comfort and sustenance.

Consider Paul, he didn’t fear what would happen in the end. He knew what awaited him in Jerusalem and went anyway. Paul walked in a deep surrender. He could abound or be abased, his contentment came from God’s presence.

Practicing His Presence

Practicing God’s presence will always involve surrender. The surrender fuels it. We embrace the cross daily to follow Him.

Matthew 16:24 —Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me,                      let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.

How Do You Grow in Surrender?

You’ll never willingly go to prison for God if you can’t praise Him when little things don’t go your way. This can be challenging. Consider these questions:

Can I stay focused and submitted to God’s presence…

  • When my flight is delayed?
  • When finances are insufficient?
  • When my spouse is in a bad mood?
  • When people speak ill of me but I’ve done nothing to them?

Surrendering in little daily ways, staying focused on praise and thanksgiving even when everything goes wrong, brings growth. God’s presence becomes an ever increasing reality in our lives. Our surrender and obedience grow deeper.

The Fatherless Curse

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sonshipLast week we saw a heart of sonship releases to us a continual abiding in the Father’s love, an experience of being placed in His presence. (Romans 8:15)

When we have not had this experience or the struggles with having the heart of a spiritual orphan cause us to lose this experience, we battle the curse of fatherlessness.

Without Sonship There’s a Curse

Mal.4:5, 6 — Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.  And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.

This curse is over every nation, it’s the curse of fatherlessness. The world is full of rebels, people using other people to get what they want. People who cannot submit. Even Christians that become angry when God does not meet their expectations.

The Rat Race

“A rat race is an endless, self-defeating, or pointless pursuit. It conjures up the image of lab rats racing through a maze to get the ‘cheese’ much like society racing to get ahead financially.” — Wikipedia

Countless people in business have sacrificed their relationships with their families to “get ahead,” to be a success. People in ministry often struggle with this even more. Bible schools in many places actually teach that we need to be willing to sacrifice our families for the sake of the Gospel. Our children then grow up and often want nothing to do with God because of what they’ve experienced in an absentee father who gave it all for the ministry.

Our identity gets tied up in doing whatever it takes to be successful. We are in the Rat Race. However, if you win the Rat Race, that makes you the number 1 Rat! You end up old and lonely. Is that what we really want?

The orphan spirit is often a man with a hurt little boy on the inside of him, angry at never being fathered (never being made to feel safe, loved, and accepted).

The orphan heart means you feel like you don’t belong – at work, school, the church you attend. It continuously pushes you into striving to attain, to be something, to feel okay about yourself.

God wants you to feel “at home” in love where you have a sense of, “I’m valued, I belong, I’m accepted.” Not many have come into this deep of a rest. It starts with receiving the Father’s love and it continues by receiving and embracing a heart of sonship.

The Sonship Heart

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leader follower childLast week we saw that many people have had an experience in the Father’s love but have struggled
to abide there continuously.

Embracing a heart of Sonship is the primary key to this abiding.

Malachi Captures It

Mal.4:5, 6 — Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.  And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.

Why will Elijah be sent? Because he was a Fathering Leader. When Elijah was taken up Elisha cried out, “My father, my father.” (2 Ki.2:12)

Elisha Sonship

Consider the heart of sonship Elisha exhibited. He followed Elijah no matter what:

  • Even when he didn’t understand.
  • Even when his spiritual father seemingly rejected him telling him to stop following him.
  • Even when others mocked.

Are you learning to follow God even when life turns in directions you never expected? What about in the dry times, when it seems like God is not there? As we learn to abide faithful in these times, it is a sign our hearts are embracing sonship.

Elisha had a sonship heart that could trust – and so he received Elijah’s mantle of authority, his inheritance.

No fathers = no inheritance! Orphans don’t get an inheritance. Sons receive the inheritance of being placed in the Father’s presence.

“For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption (in Greek, it means “placed in the Father’s presence”) as sons by which we cry out, ‘Abba! Father!’”  (Romans 8:15)

A fathering spirit is being released on the earth in these last days restoring the hearts of the fathers to the children and children to fathers.

Malachi 4:5, 6 concludes by saying that without sonship there is a curse. Next time we’ll consider how that hinders us.

 

Maturing into Sonship

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Adam and Eve wanted to have the knowledge to decide for themselves what they wanted andmaturing into sonship what they deemed appropriate for their lives, but it led them into hiding because they became afraid. (Gen.3:10)

When we are stuck in the independence of living as a spiritual orphan we have to:

  • Provide for ourselves.
  • Promote ourselves.
  • Protect ourselves.

But what happens if we don’t measure up? What happens if we can’t provide, promote and protect ourselves sufficiently? Fear and hiding will become a part of our daily lives.

Sons walk in the inheritance of their Father’s favor, rest, and provision.

How do you journey into sonship?

In today’s post I will share the steps I took as well as give you a chart to begin to identify your own growth steps.

Meeting the Master

In ’86 I was delivering pizzas for Dominos, on drugs, and directionless. I felt the the darkness and despair of the pit I lived in. One day I came to believe God offered freedom. So I turned to God and He did give me freedom. I then embraced a life of working hard for the Master lest I displease Him and be cut off. You see, at that time I didn’t even know it was in me to naturally view God that way — as a master.

Gal.4:1-2 — Now I say that the heir, as long as he is a child, does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all, but is under guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the father.

”A good master can draw the prodigal home, but only a good father can empower a son.” — Jason Clark

When I came into the Kingdom, I didn’t realize I wasn’t a son. In fact, I didn’t even know what sonship was. I had no paradigm for it.

Meeting the Father

We were never meant to be slaves, even if for a good Master.

“If our revelation of God as a good Master doesn’t mature into a revelation of God as a good Father, we will find ourselves enslaved either to the world or religion.” (Jason Clark) And this is exactly what occurred in my life.

I lived as an orphan from ’86 until ’99 when the Father’s love finally came into my life. This was huge. This now gave me a foundation of security in love. I no longer lived daily in condemnation and fear. However, I was still in the process of maturing from Master to Father.

I knew the revelation of Father’s love but now I needed to hold my heart open and work out my “spiritual orphan issues” if I wanted to experience maturing into sonship.

Steps I Took

In those early days of the Father’s love I took many steps.

  • I repented to my parents.
  • I wrote letters to them honoring them as my mother and father.
  • I repented to pastors and employers for ways I acted as a spiritual orphan.

I took the steps to resolve the ways my heart had resisted being a son.

Even today I’m still in process. I walk in sonship much of the time but there are days I still get triggered and revert. But having a foundation of being irrevocably loved by my Father, I can quickly get prayer ministry and move back into sonship.

Gal.4:4-7 — God sent forth His Son, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.

All of us can grow from being under “tutors and governors” into a full heart that cries, “Abba!” If you will take the steps of humility to repent for orphan attitudes and get prayer ministry for the orphan issues you find arising in your heart, there’s a great freedom just waiting for you.

 

Below is a helpful chart from for identifying our orphan issues from Shiloh Place

ORPHAN HEART HEART OF SONSHIP
See God as Master IMAGE OF GOD See God as a loving Father
Independent / Self-reliant DEPENDENCY Interdependent / Acknowledges Need
Live by the Love of Law THEOLOGY Live by the Law of Love
Insecure / Lack peace SECURITY Rest and Peace
Strive for the praise, approval, and acceptance of  man NEED FOR APPROVAL Totally accepted in God’s love and justified by grace
A need for personal achievement as you seek to impress God and others, or no motivation to serve at all MOTIVE FOR SERVICE Service that is motivated by a deep gratitude for being unconditionally loved and accepted by God
Duty and earning God’s favor or no motivation at all MOTIVE BEHIND CHRISTIAN DISCIPLINES Pleasure and delight
“Must” be holy to have God’s favor, thus increasing a sense of shame and guilt MOTIVE FOR PURITY “Want to” be holy; do not want anything to hinder intimate relationship with God
Self-rejection from comparing yourself to others SELF-IMAGE Positive and affirmed because you know you have such value to God
Seek comfort in counterfeit affections:  addictions, compulsions, escapism, busyness, hyper-religious activity SOURCE OF COMFORT Seek times of quietness and solitude to rest in the Father’s presence and love
Competition, rivalry, and jealousy toward others’ success and position PEER RELATIONSHIPS Humility and unity as you value others and are able to rejoice in their blessings and success
Accusation and exposure in order to make yourself look good by making others look bad HANDLING THE FAULTS OF OTHERS Love covers as you seek to restore others in a spirit of love and gentleness
See authority as a source of pain; distrustful toward them and lack a heart attitude of submission VIEW OF AUTHORITY Respectful, honoring; you see them as ministers of God for good in your life
Difficulty receiving admonition; you must be right so you easily get your feelings hurt and close your spirit to discipline VIEW OF ADMONITION See the receiving of admonition as a blessing and need in your life so that your faults and weaknesses are exposed and put to death
Guarded and conditional; based upon others’ performance as you seek to get your own needs met EXPRESSION OF LOVE Open, patient, and affectionate as you lay your life and agendas down in order to meet the needs of others
Conditional & Distant SENSE OF GOD’S PRESENCE Close & Intimate
Bondage CONDITION Liberty
Feel like a Servant/Slave POSITION Feel like a Son/Daughter
Spiritual ambition; the desire for spiritual achievement and distinction and the willingness to strive for it; a desire to be seen and counted among the mature. VISION To daily experience the Father’s unconditional love and acceptance and then be sent as a representative of His love to family and others.
Fight for what you can get! FUTURE Sonship releases your inheritance!

 

Sonship Identity and Standing in Dignity

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Sonship Identity and Standing in Dignity as a Child of God

Everyone feels fearful or hurt from time to time; conflicts and misunderstandings are a part of life. And with these expected misunderstanding there are basically two ways we respond: shame and condemnation, or guilt and accountability. Understanding these help you work out your sonship identity and start standing in dignity as a child of God.

Challenges Happen
Ron had a terrible day at work. His boss accused him of a mistake on a major project and he feels his job might be in jeopardy. Defeatedly he comes home wired, tense, and longing for the refuge of his comfy chair and TV. Just as Ron is about to sit down his wife immediately blasts him with, “Honey,the car won’t start,” and “By the way, your good-for-nothing son is failing math.” That does it. Ron instantly loses it; he raises his voice in a bitterly sarcastic way with his wife and becomes down right caustic with his son. Angrily he stomps to his son’s room and uninvitingly opens the door. “What’s the matter with you boy, are you an idiot? I told you to lay off those video games and study more. Mom says your failing math.”


sonship identity and standing in dignity Shame and Condemnation
In a shame-based family system like this example, individuals respond to conflicts in shame perpetuating ways. There’s a constant underlying message of devalue, not just communicating you did wrong but that you are wrong. These types of individuals have lived with the excruciating pain of shame instead of profound dignity, so they spend their time protecting themselves from all this by never allowing anything to be their fault. Since it is impossible to never be wrong, everything must be subject to finite judgment and charged accordingly. This ‘moral monitoring’ means that even the littlest mistakes such as forgetting to floss, not rinsing off a dish, not taking your shoes off at the door, etc., can get you “a look” that communicates, “What’s wrong with you?” The Pharisees in the Bible were this same type of folk. Their hearts were never open to mercy and the smallest infractions were subject to their harsh censure.

Shame is a hidden belief about self that “I am flawed.” This belief is triggered anytime something goes wrong. Therefore, life’s challenges can’t be seen on their own merits and viewed simply as a problem to be solved, but instead, in their minds, someone must always be to blame. They think subconsciously, “I can’t allow it to be me, so it must be you!” So when a son is failing math, the boy doesn’t just need more study time or perhaps a tutor, he needs to suffer for his insolence!

Personhood and Abuse
Personhood is the quality of being an individual person and as a person, worthy of dignity. The origin of shame is abuse that violates and diminishes personhood. This is done through crossing mental, emotional, and physical boundaries by attacking another persons’ right to choose what they think or what action they’ll take. This plays out in seemingly innocent statements like, “What’s the matter with you?” “What were you thinking?” Or it could be as crushing as a backhand across the face.sonship identity and standing in dignity

Healthy Guilt and Accountability
All of us make mistakes sometimes; none of us are perfect. The natural provision for that is healthy guilt and accountability. In other words, if I have made a mistake, guilt is appropriate. Guilt is a painful feeling that I have violated one of my values. It is a remorseful awareness of having done something wrong. Healthy guilt leads me to take responsibility, walk in accountability, and make acceptable repair. If someone has acted inappropriately toward me, accountability has to do with honoring the other as a person yet not covering the consequences they face for their actions.

Unconditional love and healthy guilt allows people to make mistakes. When there’s a base of unconditional love and healthy guilt to resolve conflict rather than shaming behaviors to handle what bothers us, people can live in healthy community and growth takes place. We begin to live as a true son or daughter of the King — our sonship identity.

Growing in God’s love should move us toward treating others with dignity, even those we very much disagree with. The question of another person’s worth or dignity should never come into play; we are all created in His image, thus worthy of value. This has a huge affect in our walk with God. If I treat others with condemnation, I will not be able to escape feeling like God treats me that way. If we are to learn to walk in a depth of obedience to the Lord and understand our sonship identity, we need to check our hearts for any shaming we may be doing and be willing to take responsibility for our own faults and mistakes. When we know we are loved unconditionally, no matter what, we will stand in the dignity as a child of God.

Personhood — Basic Sonship Definition

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The Concept of Personhood Helps with a Basic Sonship Definition. It explains what sonship identity is all about and gives you a path to emotional maturity.

The sonship definition I commonly like to use is a picture of the church coming to an understanding that our spiritual maturity cannot surpass our emotional maturity. An emotionally mature Christian boldly walks in sonship.

So what does a picture of emotional maturity look like? Sonship Definition
Understanding personhood, our God identity, our sonship, gives us a path to follow. Let’s look into this a bit.

The Free Dictionary defines personhood as “the state or condition of being a person, especially having those qualities that confer distinct individuality.”

Personhood is simply my identity as a child of God, made in His image. It results in feeling totally comfortable in my own skin. It means living in a sense of legitimacy and dignity. When parents truly represent the love of their heavenly Father as nurturing, when they create a safe emotional environment, and when boundaries are respected, a person grows and develops a strong sense of their God identity. It is God’s undeniable love and Jesus’ work on the cross that make identity work.

Growing up in this type of environment causes sonship to develop in the child’s heart. Feeling loved and respected, and being allowed to be who they were created to be makes listening, submitting, and following a father figure easier.

The problem is that all of us — when trying to be “fathers” — have control issues at some level. It may be overt or passive: using anger and manipulative words, or using withdrawal and relationship cut-offs respectively. Control, by definition, is demeaning towards another and does not respect boundaries.

But when someone feels free to think what they think, feel what they feel, and to make their own choices and face the consequences therein, they grow and mature. This is how God relates to man. He is the perfect father. However, when mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries are crossed, shame is communicated and personhood is diminished.

True sonship occurs when spiritual growth happens and emotional maturity is produced. As we learn how much we are loved, even with all our blunders and mistakes, we grow and mature — our personhood develops. We become unique, individual beloved sons and daughters of God.

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