Spiritual fathers lead with core values as a way to mentor character.

Developing character is an important distinction from simply leading for results.

As I consider aspects of Fathering Leadership, my mind so often reflects back to the influence of Jack and Trisha Frost on my life. Their leadership was never simply about results and performance. They nurtured hearts, they mentored character.

Cyndi and I joined Shiloh Place Ministries in 2000. The joining process involved including my local pastor to assure he was on board. It also included reading a team manual. This clearly explained the values of this Father’s Love ministry and the discipleship process to be entrusted with higher levels of responsibility, from helping with resources, to praying at the altars, to one-on-one ministry, to speaking and teaching.

Shiloh had a clear mission statement and a core values document. You couldn’t have been a part of this organization and not know these things because they were well communicated.

As we became involved with the Shiloh team, we were in relationship with people who truly walked in love.

• Hugs were common as was encouragement.
• Gossip and competition were not present.
• Sonship and honor were important.

As a team member I didn’t just learn the skills to function in the various roles of responsibility,  I learned values and integrity. It was a culture of growth, a culture where character mattered. This season of ministry changed my life.

Chick-Fil-A is another organization that values people with character and not simply skill. Here’s an article that talks about this. It explains:

• They are known for having the most caring teams members around.
• Leaders are viewed at only 10% skill, 90% conditions of the heart – humility, character, honesty, integrity, etc.
• Nothing is a mistake. Everything is an opportunity. Conviction is a part of the redemption process, condemnation is not.

I once had a sales job where the manager said in a meeting, “The person at the bottom of the sales board at the end of the month is fired.” Needless to say this type of motivation wasn’t all that inspiring, nor did it produce very good results. And there was no positive enduring core value communicated, only fear.

With the Shiloh team, I would do anything for Jack and Trisha, motivation to serve was never an issue. And as to how the sales job turned out, I quit not long after that meeting.

Let’s seek to mentor people, not just into skills, but into character.

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Related Posts

• Sermon Outline For Fathering Leaders
• Motivating With A Father’s Heart
• A Case for One-on-One Discipleship
• How to Create An Atmosphere For Life-Changing Growth
• The Primary Fathering Leadership Life Skill

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People Experience Growth When Leaders Intentionally Create Culture

I recently attended my monthly ministers association meeting where we had a wonderful discussion about how leaders intentionally create culture. During the discussion time it was interesting to hear everyone share their thoughts and views of how they deal with the culture that’s within their own realm of leadership. But reflecting back on the meeting I thought about something:

Do leaders truly understand that they themselves are the ones who actually create the culture around them?

Any leader – parent, pastor, manager, etc – creates an atmosphere in their home, church, or business. Now I think we all know that, but do we ever think about it? I mean, really think about it. Are we considering what kind of environment we’re creating?

I know as a parent I saw my child pick up some of my habits and mannerisms – not all of which were good – but I wasn’t always aware of this. At least not consciously. There were times when my actions and standards were being “taught” to my child without me actively teaching anything.

So what I’ve become particularly aware of is that we as leaders can determine the culture we want. We just have to be intentional about it. Creating culture has to do with core values lived out and effectively communicated.

First we need to figure out (if we haven’t already) what our core values are – what do I think is important in my church, family, or business:

• Are integrity, honesty, timeliness, teamwork, and open communications some of my values?
• Are looking people in the eye while talking/listening to them and not using derogatory or demeaning phrases a couple of things I’d like to have in the culture around me?
• What standards do you want maintained? Are these a part of your culture now? Could you make it even better if you communicated them to those you lead?

Fathering Leaders intentionally create culture as they communicate their core values to those they lead, but you have to “know them to show them.” I would encourage you to take some time and make a list of the core values you hold. Next, consider how well you are living these out and communicating them to others. As you do this, you empower those you lead to grow in new ways. Leaders, intentionally create culture around you – it’s your best tool.

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Fathering Leaders Build Community

The idea of fathering leaders build community is something we talk a lot about but the other day I had a great opportunity to practice what I preach. Does that ever happen to you?

I had volunteered to help out with our church’s VBS (Vacation Bible School) this year, like I did last year, and I was preparing my room for the following week of classes. It was Saturday and there was a plethora of volunteers all over the campus who were decorating everything. Even many of the teens from the youth group had come to help out.

Now as those of us with kids know, sometimes it actually takes longer to do things with others “helping” us (particularly kids) than if we had done it all by ourselves. However, that’s not the point of church. Church is supposed to be a community, a body that is “fit together” somehow.  And I should simply be about sharing Father’s love to everyone I meet. So I took a deep breath and began to decorate my room.

Throughout the morning there were various people popping in and out of my classroom to lend a hand. At one point there was another lady and a couple of teen boys with me. The woman and I were in the process of hanging a sheet up (sorry, don’t have space to explain that), so I asked the two middle school boys if they could cover up part of the wall with some paper. They went to work eagerly. (They’re so precious.)

The boys took this giant roll of paper, held it up to measure the space, and started cutting and trying to attach the section to the wall. I looked over at the lady helping me and we both smiled, realizing that a comedy of errors was about to unfold. Let me just say that duct tape, masking tape, scissors, a step ladder, and staples were involved, and several opportunities for problem solving occurred, but 20 minutes later, half of the space was finally covered in paper.  I complimented their work and sincerely thanked them, then redirected them to a new job that was probably better suited for them. I told them not to worry about the rest, I would finish the other half later.

After they left to go do their next job, I chuckled inside as I knew this had been a test for me. Was I tempted to fall into judgement of these boys because they really didn’t know how to do the job I gave them? Yes. Was I tempted to move into perfectionism because they didn’t do it the way I would have? Yes. But would that have communicated Father God’s heart? No.

A fathering leaders build community by being one who bears the weaknesses and failing of others without condemnation. I knew these young boys were doing the best they could, they weren’t experts at this, but they were trying. Their hearts were open and willing to help in any way. (They really are precious.) Could I have done it better and faster myself? Probably. But there would have been no community built. I absolutely loved watching these middleschoolers problem solve as the paper kept falling and wouldn’t stay attached. Out of frustration they would look at me and say, “Ms. Cyndi…!” and I would make suggestions allowing them to continue and eventually succeed in their job.

This is building community. VBS was a wonderful opportunity to see so many adults, youth, and children working together for God’s kingdom — a multi-generational community functioning as a body. It was also a great opportunity for me to practice what I preach!

Skills Passed from Spiritual Fathers Seen in How Sports Skills are Passed Down

Several years into my son’s soccer playing he finally got a coach that talked about “first touch.” This is a crucial soccer concept that needs to be trained into a player from an early age, yet, years into my son being on teams, we were just now hearing about it.

I, as his father, didn’t know enough about soccer to impart some of these concepts, nor did I make sure he had a coach that would develop it in him. As my son got older, I realized that some of the dads clearly knew how to do this for their kids. They had found coaches – mentors – who could teach and impart great soccer skills into a child.

Skills are passed from mentor to disciple when the mentor is sufficiently equipped.

Spiritual Skills Passed

In the Body of Christ there have not been a sufficient number of mentors that can genuinely lead people into spiritual maturity. For example, how many Christians have truly successful marriages, have the desire to mentor others in that, and know how to impart their skills to newlyweds?

I believe we need to place more value on mentorship. Not the controlling or manipulative type, but mentoring in the good old fashioned way as a carpenter or an electrician gets trained in their field.  In the church, however, preaching too often lifts up standards with great passion, yet with few “how to” steps to actually get there. In this type of exhortative environment, it can be communicated that it’s not okay to have a marriage problem, a child on drugs, or a host of other “bad” attributes. It subtly implies that something is wrong with you if you are not measuring up to the standard.

When it comes to mentoring, or what I like to call “fathering,” there are numerous spiritual skills that can be passed down. Here are just a few ideas:

• How to spend time with God to the point of hearing Him for what you need.
• How to walk in covering love using good people skills.
• How to minister one-on-one to others.
• How to overcome wounding and emotional pain.

Think again of the soccer coach who identifies the needed skills of one of his players and works with him on specific exercises to develop it. Then he reviews the player’s movements during games until he can implement the skills.

I believe spiritual skills can also be imparted in this same way!

Calling Spiritual Fathers

The apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 4:15, “we have not many fathers.” I believe this is the call of God for the church in this hour. Even as a coach or an apprentice’s master passes down skills, those mature Christians who know God, who walk in love and excellence in their people skills, and who know how to minister to others, need to step out and mentor, or  “father” those around them.

Stay Tuned

I have a new book coming out soon, Fathering Leadership – Creating A Culture of Growth, which covers this topic extensively. As soon as this is available, I will let you know. Imagine how the church – and the un-churched – would respond to leaders mentoring others with a mature “fathering” spirit.