Boundaries Extinction Curve for Walking Out the Fathers Love
Understanding the various components of boundaries must be learned if it was not modeled for us growing up. This skill takes time to understand and learn to walk out, just as any skill does. I do not believe we can walk in the Father’s love without it.
Boundaries is a bigger subject than many people realize. In a basic sense it is not about changing another person, rather it is communicating my response to certain behaviors. For example, little Johnnie 
doesn’t do his homework so I don’t argue with him, berate him, nor demean him. I simply let him know that he will not use any electronics for a whole day – I set a boundary. However, and this is key, the choice remains with him.
Another important understanding of boundaries is that it defines all abuse. Any time another person communicates to me that it is not okay to think what I think, feel what I feel, and have my physical space respected, they are seeking to abuse me. If I inadvertently say the wrong thing and dad gives me “the look” that says “what is the matter with you?” that’s abuse. My thoughts and feelings were not respected. Even if a person’s thoughts and feelings are wrong they still have a right to them. They may face consequences for their actions, but communicating that their personhood is flawed should not be one of them.
When a husband is consistently late, a wife won’t do her part around the house, or a teen won’t do his chores, these also violate boundaries. A family functions lovingly when each member contributes. It is not fair for one party to “drop out.” This is inconsiderate of the feelings of the rest of the family that has to live with the consequences of the “dropout’s” unfinished tasks. Dropping out is actually a form of control. It’s a behavior that violates the boundaries of others. Ideally we hold each other accountable, don’t walk in judgment and talk out our differences, however, this sometimes breaks down. Allowing the dropout to face appropriate consequences for their irresponsibility and not picking up their part is the most loving thing to do in this instance. (Gal.6:3-5)
When I first communicate to my teen that he will have no electronics (privileges) when he doesn’t complete his homework (responsibilities), there will likely be some pushback. But giving in and not holding 
firm the boundary actually communicates devalue. It communicates that he was not important enough to be held responsible. Pushback brings up the concept of the Extinction Curve. When a certain action no longer receives reinforcement, (for example, freedom from responsibility) a series of attempts is made to try and regain the reinforcement. Eventually these attempts tend to die out.
Understanding the extinction curve gives hope that people will ultimately choose responsibility when met with love that is absent of co-dependence (enabling behavior). Yet, the goal can’t be to change the person. The healthy approach is to view it as love that allows the person to face the consequences of their actions. In the adult world, when you are late consistently you get fired. When a teen has a healthy sense of consequence, he not only learns responsibility but empowerment. It is inward locus of control – my actions bring certain consequences, rather than outward locus – my life is controlled by the choices, actions, and attitudes of others.
Walking in the Father’s love covers others in their short comings, washing away their condemnation. It also values them enough to hold them accountable and call them up higher. I believe the number one characteristic of the end time church will be true spiritual fathers and mothers in abundance.